Why We Hate Fatheads

Share |

Someday, decades from now, a graying, stooped old man will think to himself: The Fathead is an idea so obvious and brilliant I should have had it myself. Those millions of dollars should have been mine. 

But then he will remember that the Fathead is neither obvious nor brilliant. It is, instead, a giant, removable wall sticker of an athlete, or race car, or space shuttle; a product as cumbersome as it is unnecessary. A product, in other words, worthy of its owner, Dan Gilbert. (When Lebron James signed in Miami, Gilbert, who owns the Cavaliers, changed the price of LeBron Fatheads to from $99.99 to $17.41, or Benedict Arnold's birth year). 

And yet, for more than five years now, Fathead, the company, has existed. I have never seen one in the wild, and can't even begin to imagine the kinds of people who would want to own one for non-ironic purposes (my twelve-year-old-self included), but Fatheads, like Oakland A's fans, must be out there somewhere. I know this because Fathead commercials have been a consistent part of television sports broadcasts throughout the company's existence. Every time I've seen one of the commercials, I've felt myself repulsed by the product. And the product is indeed terrible—it is a poster blown up, then stripped of all its potential for design and robbed of the sense of a moment that only the background of a photograph can provide; a cardboard cutout without the hilarious cumbersome charm; a basically artless decoration. But is the Fathead really terrible enough to be a running joke? I submit that it is not, and that 90 percent of what makes Fatheads hilarious is the hilariousness of Fathead Commercials. 

In 2006, there was Kevin Harvick, and Fathead was "as close to real NASCAR racing as you can get."

In 2010, there were children leaping for joy in slow motion at the prospect of sleeping next to a giant Tony Romo:

But only now, in 2012, have Fathead's marketers reached the level of Creating Timeless Art. Witness Justin Verlander emerging from wall-decal form to fire a baseball at a Tiger fan's chest, thereby dislodging a chicken wing on which he was choking, catching said chicken wing, uttering an amazing bit of dialogue, then as easily as he throws complete games, returning to his previous inaminate wall-decal self:

The amazing thing about this commercial is not that Justin Verlander comes to life, rather it's what he does afterward. So intentionally cornball. So PG. And maybe that's what makes the Fathead discomforting: It is a product out of time. The Fathead exists in an era before fans got know athletes, and before fans decided they often didn't like athletes. It exists solely to glorify. With all that context stripped away, all your left with is a giant hero on your wall. But everybody knows that heroes aren't what they used to be. 

Share |

Comments

Thanks for the great post. Your post simply created my day. quemando y gozando gratis

Valuable info. Lucky me I discovered your web site accidentally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate did not took place in advance!buy targeted traffic

I use Addium to attract prospects. They always deliver on this promise. Some future leaders avoid Addium simply because they've never seen one. Internet Marketing

I am genuinely grateful to the holder of this tangle usher who has used this astounding paragraph at at this arrange. DeinContestHandy - Tumblr

I have read your article, it is very informative and helpful for me.I admire the valuable information you offer in your articles. wesley virgin fat diminisher system download

I’ve been surfing online more than three hours these days, yet I by no means discovered any interesting article like yours.STD Clinic

Happy Independence Day India 2015 speech essay images sms messages wishes 69th quotes photos messages wallpaper status pictures greetings hindi pic indian freedom Free Mobile Recharge

Best SEO Company Indian has developed their place in the marketplace for themselves. They are identified for their appropriate results and solutions.life insurance calgary

read the regularly one particular subject material. Beautiful articles or reviews, thank you to suit downloading and sharing an article content with all of us Fat diminisher wesley virgin

Nice to be visiting your blog again, it has been months for me. Well this article that i’ve been waited for so long. I need this article to complete my assignment in the college, and it has same topic with your article. Thanks, great share vive sin ansiedad pdf

vJust thought that I would post and let you know.
Update your website ranking

than other humans does not mean that successful Hollywood types are not also humans. They are, and they have hobbies, like humans do.yuasa batteries

With Years Of Experience We Know Exactly What Type Of Manual Dofollow Blog Comments It Takes To Quickly Increase Your Online Visibility
listo vacaciones

Your blog contains so many educational articles. I would like to say thanks for publishing these posts here list of email address

I wish more authors of this type of content would take the time you did to research and write so well. I am very impressed with your vision and insight....professional website design company

Truly awesome blog! I desire the same top-quality blog post from you in the forthcoming also. email names list

I definitely enjoying every little bit of it. It is a great website and nice share. I want to thank you. Good job! You guys do a great blog, and have some great contents. Keep up the good work..OLD SCHOOL NEW BODY PROGRAM

This post gives truly quality information. I’m absolutely going to look into it. in fact very useful tips are provided here. thank you so much. Keep up the good works.Ejaculation Guru EBook

I definitely enjoying every little bit of it. It is a great website and nice share. I want to thank you. Good job! You guys do a great blog, and have some great contents. Keep up the good work..rent right property management software

Nice to be visiting your blog again, it has been months for me. Well this article that i ’ ve been waited for so long. I need this article to complete my assignment in the college, and it has same topic with your article. Thanks, great share. idaho falls diesel repair

I always, ALWAYS read and hear it as FartHead, not Fathead, probably because the dude who does the voiceovers voice sounds like farts.reishi

Ixperia IT Schulung und Beratung An 18 Standorten in Deutschland bieten wir anspruchsvollen Führungskräften und Mitarbeitern erfolgreich Seminare zu den Themen IT Service Management, ITIL, Projektmanagement und Prince2 in exzellenter Atmosphäre. Sowohl fachlich als auch für die Durchführung erhalten wir von unseren Teilnehmern dafür die besten Beurteilungen mit 100% Erfolgsgarantie. ITIL Expert

Great post! I am actually getting ready to across this information, is very helpful my friend. Also great blog here with all of the valuable information you have. Keep up the good work you are doing here. the tao of badass

Your article has piqued a lot of positive interest. I can see why since you have done such a good job of making it interesting. goji pro

I always, ALWAYS read and hear it as FartHead, not Fathead, probably because the dude who does the voiceovers voice sounds like farts.

Am I depraved to think like this?

I so miss the old Sports Illustrated posters, because they portrayed an actual scene.

I'm not really sure where the hate's coming from.
I have the complete "heros of the PBA" fathead collection lining my den.
All 300 of them.

TOO AGGRESSIVE FOR RETAIL STORES

Timely A's dis. Awesome.

1) why did "dave" try to swallow a whole chicken wing
2) why do his friends have such callous disregard for the fact that he is choking
3) why does verlander keep the half-chewed chicken wing in his glove

a) How do YOU eat a chicken wing, SIR? Have you no hunger--at long last, have you no hunger?
b) Dude tried to swallow a fucking chicken wing, dawg: Darwin. Scoreboard.
c) Hard out here (plus gets gloves for free, didn't want to put it on carpet because manners, didn't want to return it to Dave because swallow entire chicken wing).

Why do his friends have such callous disregard for the fact that he is choking "again?" You'd think that by now one of them would have taught Dave proper chewing techniques.