Who Is Ashton Kutcher's Fantasy Football Assistant?

Share |

Successful Hollywood types are not quite like the rest of us, which has a lot to do with why they're successful Hollywood types. But simply being better looking -- or, failing that, weirdly poreless and symmetrical and more willing to spend time around Alec Baldwin -- than other humans does not mean that successful Hollywood types are not also humans. They are, and they have hobbies, like humans do.

These hobbies have changed with the times, as of course they would. Steve McQueen drove racecars and Lee Marvin stalked around his condo shirtless, pounding scotch and grumbling darkly -- a pursuit that, in fairness, was something Marvin took significantly more seriously than most people take their hobbies. Today's stars, being today's stars, have different hobbies. Mark Ruffalo is an anti-fracking activist. Robert Downey Jr. collects art. Leonardo DiCaprio collects 22-year-old swimsuit models. Ashton Kutcher's hobby is acting like a Silicon Valley venture capitalist.

It's not totally an act, to be fair, since Kutcher actually is an investor in various technology concerns (and is an advisor to SB Nation, where I also work). This is just the sort of thing that a certain type of rich person does, now -- there is a whole TED Talking superuniverse of rich young California males, wearing expensive jeans, taking meetings and lending each other millions for their various software companies and apps and self-parodic women's-interest websites. Kutcher, when he is not acting, lives there, practicing #disruption and Creating Alpha and so gildedly on.

Kutcher wants to be taken seriously as an investor, and knows that the first step in doing that is taking himself seriously as an investor. That was what he spoke about on The Jimmy Kimmel Show last Thursday night -- his obsession with efficiency, his pursuit of excellence. All of which is very nice, and none of which matters as much as Kutcher's admission that he has a member of his staff -- yes, Ashton Kutcher has a staff, don't worry about that -- "dedicated to research and analysis in fantasy football."

"I mean, I have to analyze the research," Kutcher allowed, before admitting that he finished last in his league. He did not mention whether last year's Fantasy Football Research Associate is still on staff, and honestly there's no answer to that question that isn't depressing in its own way. But this is just Ashton Kutcher's fantasy football team, a subsidiary hobby to his broader master-hobby of Casual Moguldom, and ultimately not that big a concern.

At least not relative to the question of how Kutcher hired his Fantasy Football Research Associate. Is there a salary involved, or is Kutcher paying in exposure and Treat Williams-autographed memorabilia from What Happens In Vegas? Did an ad quietly float across Craigslist last August, putting a call out for a Quant/Research Wiz with five-to-seven years experience, a Master's Degree or better, and a willingness to be on call around the clock? I'd ask whether the notional ad ended "passion a must," but since it obviously did it seems a shame to waste a perfectly good rhetorical question.

Again, Kutcher is a human being. He has his mysteries and idiosyncrasies and hobbies and vanities like the rest of us. We might as well wish him good luck in his draft, and in whatever investments he has -- ORKO, an app that helps you find He-Man paraphernalia online or HAT.ZE, a website dedicated to selling comically expensive baseball hats to wealthy young people.

But this isn't about Kutcher, finally. It's about finding out how many other Fantasy Football Research Associates are on the (sorry) staffs of Hollywood luminaries. It's about finding out whether these (yup) staffers are offered health insurance. Ultimately it would be hilarious to unionize them, of course. But for the time being: how many are you? Are you being treated well? Contact me, and I will tell your stories, discreetly. Step into the light, brothers.

Share |

Comments

Hello to all readers of this wonderful blog. Has long been your constant reader. Thank you for your efforts. I want to introduce you a great app for watching movies.
weed seed bank

Right now I am afraid for my son, I miss him so much it hurts, and I have no idea when I will see him again as there has been no date set by the judge.”
how to make money by affiliate marketing

I have bookmarked it and I am suspecting exploring new articles.You should comment on the constraint examination of the online diary.
website design

I just found this blog and have high hopes for it to continue. Keep up the great work, its hard to find good ones. I have added to my favorites. Thank You.
syndrom vyhorenia

Thanks I am doing a report on this subject. Your article is full of really useful information. I will make sure to come back to check out your posts for my next report.
protein technology

I was very pleased to find this site.I wanted to thank you for this great read !! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.
consulente d'immagine

This is also a very good post which I really enjoyed reading. It is not every day that I have the possibility to see something like this.
ΑΥΤΟΚΟΛΛΗΤΑ LAPTOP

You will find a lot of approaches after visiting your post. I was exactly searching for. Thanks for such post and please keep it up. Great work.
camini di design

such an interesting article here Afatogel.com Bandar Terbesar Situs Togel Online Terpercaya. I was searching for something like that for quite a long time and at last I have found it here.
micro tape hair extensions

would like to thank you for your nicely written content, its useful and your writing style helped me to read it without any difficulty. Thank...
Houston Seo

I would like to say that this blog really convinced me to do it! Thanks, very good post.
San Antonio CDL Best Lawyer

Good list. I am sure with Pokemon and Zelda on the way this will change! Any chance for a top eshop listing guys?
Commercial Post Lights

So luck to come across your excellent blog. Your blog brings me a great deal of fun.
Dentist in Missouri City

I just found this blog and have high hopes for it to continue. Keep up the great work, its hard to find good ones. I have added to my favorites. Thank You.
DWI Lawyer Ft Worth

Many thanks for the exciting blog posting! Simply put your blog post to my favorite blog list and will look forward for additional updates. Simply wanted to write down a word in order to say thanks to you for those wonderful tips.
Bedford Traffic Ticket Attorney

A good number of bloggers can be misinformed; A good number of bloggers can be lazy; A good number of bloggers don't have any skills
30 day weight loss

straightforward as looking through accessible diversions until you see one that your child would love.
golf trophies

I added it to my top choices web journal webpage list and will be inquiring soon. If you don't mind look at my site too and let me realize what you think Superdraft

I want you to thank for your time of this wonderful read!!! I definately enjoy every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out..... discount code for essay have

This is a good post. This post give truly quality information. I’m definitely going to look into it. Really very useful tips are provided here. thank you so much
Europe

popular culture, political and financial transformations in the 20th and 21st centuries, the next wave of urban-induced change will be propelled by the explosive development of Chinese cities.
nocturnal hyperhidrosis

I am actually getting ready to across this information, is very helpful my friend. Also great blog here with all of the valuable information you have. Keep up the good work you are doing here.
Lettings Agency Leeds

I am actually getting ready to across this information, is very helpful my friend. Also great blog here with all of the valuable information you have. Keep up the good work you are doing here.
Laundry service Beaconsfield

Here at this site really the fastidious material collection so that everybody can enjoy a lot.
khoa dien tu Samsung

As part of an assignment for research I have to find an article with relevant information on this topic and give the teacher our opinion and the article. Your article helped me a lot.
dom na kluc

I actually spend my little time to read the websites but this blog is quite different from others, this has helped me a lot in my work. Thanks
drevodom

Trying to find a few fascinating things, just do it below by
Floor Sanding Birmingham

There are several dissertation internet sites on-line because you get evidently reported as part of your web site
Floor Restoration Hull

Hey what a brilliant post I have come across and believe me I have been searching out for this similar kind of post for past a week and hardly came across this.
patient moving and handling courses

Here's what we discovered when we looked into Phen375 and what we think you need to know to help you make an informed decision about whether or not it's the right choice for you.
CCTV Installers Leeds

I am actually getting ready to across this information, is very helpful my friend. Also great blog here with all of the valuable information you have. Keep up the good work you are doing here.
commercial floors manchester

I am always searching online for articles that can help me. There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also. Keep working, great job! goalvip

Your blog provided us with valuable to work with. Each & every tips of your post are awesome. Thanks a lot for sharing. Keep blogging..
Indian wedding invitations

The question is who has the public’s interest at heart? Who’s taking measures to protect a place that is special for reasons other than the fact that its beachfront property?
More Info Here

Can nicely write on similar topics! Welcome to here you'll find out how it should look.
driving lessons hove

Hey what a brilliant post I have come across and believe me I have been searching out for this similar kind of post for past a week and hardly came across this.
buy steroids online

A good number of bloggers can be misinformed; A good number of bloggers can be lazy; A good number of bloggers don't have any skills.
kupelna

Right now I am afraid for my son, I miss him so much it hurts, and I have no idea when I will see him again as there has been no date set by the judge.” ...
Robotics Kids Club Western Sydney

We believe that everyone deserves a chance at moving ahead with their lives. In our Mitigation services we strive to provide the Court with your history For our other court appointed services,
cafepharmamerck

I am always searching online for articles that can help me. There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also prepagos en bogota

I definitely really liked every part of it and i also have you saved to fav to look at new information in your site.
Removals bolton

In our Mitigation services we strive to provide the Court with your history For our other court appointed services, our goal is to help provide the most up to date and relevant interventions.
Anti Slip Flooring Birmingham

Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog web site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear
camini rustici

Great Article it its really informative and innovative keep us posted with new updates. its was really valuable. thanks a lot.
discoteca capannina

You have a really ennobling manner of exploring and sharing your thoughts. it's terribly uncommon these days, legion sites and blogs having copy affixed or rewritten information.
kortingscode

A good number of bloggers can be misinformed; A good number of bloggers can be lazy; A good number of bloggers don't have any skills
apulien ferienhaus

Thanks for sharing this interesting blog with us.My pleasure to being here on your blog..I wanna come beck here for new post from your site.
villas for rent in tuscany

This was a really great contest and hopefully I can attend the next one. It was alot of fun and I really enjoyed myself.
http://brandedkitchen.com/product/dazey-corp-coffee-warmer-cw-10/

Dental Bridge or Dental Implant? Nice to read your article! I am looking forward to sharing your adventures and experiences.
pot seeds for sale

Hey what a brilliant post I have come across and believe me I have been searching out for this similar kind of post for past a week and hardly came across this. 4d Malaysia