The Everything Brothers: Nicknaming Every NBA Backcourt

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Look, we enjoy watching Golden State as much as the next basketball fan, okay? They’re great. They whip the ball all over the ding-dang court, and then they shoot and then the ball goes in, and then they win the game. It’s fun.

But as for “The Splash Brothers?” Maybe the world has gone overboard with the nicknaming, is all. So much so that there’s a movement afoot to christen the also quite enjoyable Portland Trailblazers backcourt as “The Rain Bros.” which is a play on, like, it rains a lot in Portland, and also maybe there’s that Counting Crows song?

Add this together with the seemingly endless debate among the TNT panel about which team has the best backcourt in the league, and it becomes clear that the NBA has a nickname imbalance. If we’re going to spend this much time talking about backcourts, then every backcourt in the league should probably have its own nickname; anything else would be unfair. So this is what we did. We nicknamed all of them. Please feel free to use these in lieu of the players' actual names going forward.

New York Knicks: Jose Calderon and Pablo Prigioni - Los Hermanos Olé

Washington Wizards: John Wall and Bradley Beal - Wally McBeal, or "We Just Form A Fucking Wall Beal"

Brooklyn Nets: Deron Williams and Joe Johnson - The Squish Brothers

Phoenix Suns: Goran Dragic, Eric Bledsoe, and Isaiah Thomas - The Three Amigos/Dunk Dunk Swoosh

Houston Rockets: Patrick Beverley and James Harden together are called "James Harden"

Indiana Pacers: C.J. Watson and C.J. Miles - The C.J. Bros Of Sadness

Atlanta Hawks: Jeff Teague and Kyle Korver - Drive And Swish

Utah Jazz: Trey Burke and Alec Burks - “She's A Burk House” By The Commodores

Miami Heat: Mario Chalmers and Dwyane Wade - Oh Yeah Those Guys/And Done

Boston Celtics: Evan Turner and Avery Bradley - The Leftovers

Cleveland Cavaliers: Kyrie Irving and J.R. Smith - Gun and Gun

Oklahoma City Thunder: Russell Westbrook and Dion Waiters - Karate and Karazy; Westbrook and Roberson - True or False

Toronto Raptors: Kyle Lowry and DeMar DeRozan - SALT AND PEPPER, but you have to say it like Patrick Stewart.

Los Angeles Lakers: Jeremy Lin and Kobe Bryant - The Lin Clang Twins

Los Angeles Clippers: Chris Paul and J.J. Redick - Chris Paul and [Profane Sign About Redick’s Sexuality Being Held By University Of Maryland Fan]

Memphis Grizzlies: Mike Conley and Courtney Lee - Mike and the Mechanic

Detroit Pistons: Brandon Jennings and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope - The (Actually) Bad Boys

San Antonio Spurs: Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili - Grumpy Old Men

Minnesota Timberwolves: Andrew Wiggins and Mo Williams - Minne-so-so

Chicago Bulls: Derrick Rose (circa 2011) and Jimmy Butler (circa now) - The God Couple

Sacramento Kings: Darren Collison and Ben McLemore - The Darren Space Museum

Philadelphia 76ers: Michael Carter-Williams and Tony Wroten - The Pennsylvania Turnpike

Denver Nuggets: Ty Lawson, Arron Afflalo, Randy Foye, and Jameer Nelson - 4 Non Broncs

New Orleans Pelicans: Jrue Holliday and Eric Gordon - Nickelback

Orlando Magic: Elfrid Payton and Victor Oladipo - What’s Your Vector Victor

Dallas Mavericks: Rajon Rondo and Monta Ellis - Candygram For Rondo

Milwaukee Bucks: Brandon Knight and Jared Dudley - Ham And Cheese On Rye, Hold The Mayo

Charlotte Hornets: Kemba Walker and Lance Stephenson - Shoot The Freak

Golden State Warriors: Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson - The Soakland Splashletics

Portland Trailblazers: Damian Lillard and Wes Matthews - The “It’s Raining” Men

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