The Art Of Bob Hope’s AP All-America Team Introductions: Part II: 1986

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The set never seemed to change, only the players and the wording of the jokes. This was Bob Hope's annual tradition of gumming some one-liners about the various Associated Press All-American team, a tradition I'll be revisiting at various moments in its history over coming weeks.  This week we’ll be looking at 1986, when Mr. T wasn’t the only big guy to rock the mohawk-and-gold chains combination platter. But enough about what Bob Hope did in his spare time.

These segments, shot for Hope’s annual Christmas special, are a time capsule of then-current events and comedy stylings. They also remind us of a long-gone time, when Brian Bosworth was eager to let Rick Reilly ghost write his autobiography.  Also of a time when the definition of “joke” was different, and a bit more generous.

PLAYS ON FOOTBALL TERMINOLOGY:

Rod Woodson, Purdue DB:  “[Rod] has developed a new defensive maneuver called the ‘drumstick’. When he has the quarterback on the ground he says, ‘make a wish’.”

Mark Moore, Oklahoma St. FS:  “Here’s a guy who really loves to make interceptions.  No one ever told him that the defense was supposed to be the team without the ball.”

POP CULTURE REFERENCES:

Bennie Blades, Miami FS:  “This guy’s put more people in the hospital than the writers on ‘St. Elsewhere’.”

Cris Carter, Ohio St. WR:  “Cris grabs any pigskin that’s close to him. So far this year he’s got 11 touchdowns and three slaps to the face from Miss Piggy.”

Thomas Everett, Baylor S:  “What a great year this guy has had.  He’s intercepted more passes than Brooke Shields’ mother.”

DIGS ON GEOGRAPHICAL/RELIGIOUS ORIGIN:

Al Noga, Hawaii DT:  “Right after the show, Al is hurrying back to Hawaii. They need him to plug up the volcano.”

Tim Brown, Notre Dame WR:  “When Notre Dame needs long yardage Tim Brown is their second choice.  Their first choice is a novena by all the nuns in the United States.”

SIZE MATTERS:

Jerome Brown, Miami DT:  “I rode down the elevator with these two fellas...  Actually I wanted to go up but who’s going to argue.”

Harris Barton, UNC T:  “He makes holes big enough for Tip O’Neill to waltz through.  With Raymond Burr as his dancing partner.”

???/GRAB BAG:

Brian Bosworth, Oklahoma ILB:  “I arm wrestled with Brian backstage and I would’ve beaten him if those six guys helping me hadn’t left for their lunch break.”

Keith Jackson, Oklahoma TE:  “The only difference between this guy and a tank is that a tank will rust in a shower.”

Jeff Bregel, USC G:  “During his summers in Granada Hills, California, he rents himself out as a shopping center.”

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