Sport vs. Sports
Mother Jones recently published an important article on Mitt Romney and the letter S. Specifically the way Mitt Romney says "sport" when most other Americans, even other amazingly stilted Mormon hedge-fund oligarchs, would say "sports." Stephen Colbert made fun of this glitch in the Mitt-rix (© 2012 Classical Comedy Jokes LLC).
Unfortunately, what the otherwise faultless editors at Mother Jones and the producers at Comedy Central don’t understand is that there is a crucial difference between sports that are SPORTS and sports that are SPORT, an inequality that Mitt Romney understands only too well. As a public service to Señor Romney and to fans of SPORT and SPORTS everywhere, we have created a printable, wallet-sized (sort of) chart for handy reference when talking to your inferiors or superiors about their athletic activity of choice.
|
ATHLETIC ENDEAVOR |
IS THIS A SPORT... |
OR SOME SPORTS? |
|
Baseball (AL) |
|
SPORTS |
|
Baseball (NL) |
SPORT |
|
|
Basketball |
|
SPORTS |
|
Hockey |
SPORTS |
|
|
Soccer |
SPORT |
|
|
Pro Football |
|
SPORTS |
|
College Football |
|
|
|
Rugby league |
|
SPORTS |
|
Rugby union |
SPORT |
|
|
Wheelchair rugby |
|
SPORTS |
|
Tennis |
SPORT |
|
|
Badminton |
SPORT |
|
|
Table Tennis |
SPORT |
|
|
Ping Pong |
|
SPORTS |
|
Sprinting |
|
SPORTS |
|
Long-distance running |
SPORT |
|
|
Medium-distance jogging |
|
SPORTS |
|
Darts |
|
SPORTS |
|
Reading analog clocks |
SPORT |
|
|
Bocce Ball played by old Italian men |
|
SPORTS |
|
Bocce Ball played by drunk college students |
SPORT |
|
|
Beirut |
|
SPORTS |
|
Dressage |
SPORT |
|
|
Rodeo |
|
SPORTS |
|
Lucha Libre |
|
SPORTS |
|
Boxing |
SPORT |
|
|
Ballroom Dancing |
SPORT |
|
|
Celebrity Ballroom Dancing |
|
SPORTS |
|
MMA |
|
SPORTS |
|
Unmixed martial arts |
SPORT |
|
|
Horse races |
SPORT |
|
|
Zeta-money-laundering-horse races |
|
DEPORTES |
|
Polo |
SPORT |
|
|
Water Polo |
|
SPORTS |
|
Bike Polo |
SPORT |
|
|
Jai-alai |
|
SPORTS |
|
Contract Bridge |
|
SPORTS |
|
Aztec Ball Game |
|
SPORTS |
|
Lacrosse |
SPORT |
|
|
Cycling |
SPORT |
|
|
NASCAR |
|
SPORTS |
|
Competitive jaywalking |
|
SPORTS |
|
The X Games |
|
SPORTS |
|
Strongest Man contests that involve weights |
SPORT |
|
|
Strongest Man contests that involve lifting cars, or women in bikinis |
|
SPORTS |
|
Timber sports |
|
SPORTS |
|
Roller Derby |
|
SPORTS |
|
Golf |
SPORT |
|
|
Mini-Golf |
|
SPORTS |
|
Maxi-Golf* (speculative) |
SPORT* (speculative) |
|
|
Competitive eating |
|
SPORTS |
|
Regular eating |
SPORT |
|
|
Smash Brothers, any variety |
SPORT |
|
|
Iománaíocht |
SPORT |
|
|
Steeplechase |
|
SPORTS |
|
Dueling (Swords) |
SPORT |
|
|
Dueling (Pistols) |
|
SPORTS |
|
Winter Biathlon |
SPORT |
|
|
Street Fighter II Turbo |
|
SPORTS |
|
Mutant League Hockey |
SPORT |
|
|
Mutant League Football |
|
SPORTS |
|
Highland Games |
|
SPORTS |
|
Invented, odds and dice-based tabletop sports |
SPORT |
|
|
Internet Lebron James-bashing |
|
SPORTS |
|
Warhammer 40k |
|
SPORTS |
|
Roller hockey played in a rink |
SPORT |
|
|
Roller hockey played in the street |
|
SPORTS |
|
Roll Bounce danceoff |
SPORT |
|
|
Flyfishing |
SPORT |
|
|
Deep sea fishing |
SPORT |
|
|
Competitively attending Phish concerts |
|
SPORTS |
|
Identify theft |
SPORT |
|
|
Moshing |
|
SPORTS |
|
Skanking first-wave ska |
|
SPORTS |
|
Skanking second-wave ska or later |
SPORT |
|
|
Depression-style dance marathons |
|
SPORTS |
|
Golden Tee |
SPORT |
|
|
Keeping your hand on a car or truck for a radio promotion |
|
SPORTS |
|
Checkers |
SPORT |
|
|
Inventing new ways to praise Vin Scully in verse |
|
SPORTS |
|
Shared armrest jostling |
|
SPORTS |
|
Secretly real Renaissance Fair reenacting |
SPORT |
|
|
Downhill skiing |
SPORT |
|
|
Uphill skiing |
|
SPORTS |
|
Capture the flag |
|
SPORTS |
|
Hopeful obituary watching |
SPORT |
|
Comments
"Competitively attending Phish concerts" made me laugh. Definitely SPORTS.
Ping-pong is sport. SMDH.