Spam Poetics: The Ballad of the Baltimore Bohemians (and Discount Oakleys)

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We've got something of a problem with spam comments over here, we know. In a perfect world, we would of course not have all these spam comments, but in this one we're mining these comments for their moments of poetry. As long as there are spam comments, there will be these poems. If you find poetic spam moments in our comments section and are moved to compose, please feel free to email Dave. Today's poem, a complicated pastiche by Logan K. Young and spam commenter "otherleading," is perhaps our most ambitious bit of poesy yet. The first installments can be found here and here. With this one, it's probably best to read the actual (and since-deleted) spam comment, which is below the poem, and then to read the poem itself, which is an elaborate and elegant inversion and tribute to the original comment.

You guys are amazing, by the way.

Ballad of the Baltimore Bohemians

In Harford County, tall,

God of Waters’ Filth.

America’s best new uniform/logo/idea,

lucky star, and one beer-shaped doll to greet.

Selling jerseys, remaining admirable,

the Year of I’ll Have Another's bell is sounded

(sending Ocean City's thriving, and Guanyin Fulminante, back to tourists).

The lineup has been a long time;

Cedar Lane visitors, even more excited.

And Joe Tirabassi,

God of Wealth,

is fuxing, ringing bells, praying,

and looking forward to the new year --

plenty of money, the best of luck.


To keep the players,

in the Year of the Dragon,

stained with grass and good fortune

(and pay Dragonian gas prices),

a festive Merch Sale gives

a New Year's Eve start to their eleventh day.

God of Wealth,

his brother’s lucky star a symbol of heaven...

good luck against Central Jersey.


Saturday’s good weather means:

Discount Oakley Sunglasses, bumper harvest, and that the USL lives.

Dragons, Dragons, Dragons of Bel Air,

a total of twenty-four men,

and a beer puppet,

will win on the lotus turf field garden.

And visitors to The Classical

deliver one hundred thousand highly-profitable market hopes

to the Goddess of Mercy Chesapeake.


And the Original:

otherleading | June 22, 2012 - 12:00am AND 4:40 am

in Guanyin Square , tall, God of Wealth Discount Oakley Sunglasses lucky star, and four dragon-shaped dolls to greet Discount Oakley Sunglasses the year of the Dragon New year 's bell is sounded , sending New Year's thriving and Guanyin Fulminante to tourists . The line up has been a long time visitors even more excited, and have the Oakley Sunglasses Sale God of Wealth, Fuxing ringing bells , praying and looking forward to the new year, plenty of money , the best of luck .
to keep the tourists in the Year of the Dragon stained with wealth, good fortune, Dragon gas and festive Oakley Sale New Year's Eve start to the first seventh day , God of Wealth , lucky star , and were a symbol of heaven good luck, good weather Discount Oakley Sunglasses, bumper harvest , the music industry live Dragon , Dragon , Dragon of Fulong , a total of four shape of a dragon puppet , and will in the lotus Mountain area garden , and visitors to Discount Oakleys delivery one hundred thousand highly profitable market , the Goddess of Mercy Fulminante.

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I suppose it's time I order new business cards. "God of Wealth" will look really good in a raised font.

It's probably not healthy for me to be "jealous" of someone else's spam comment discovery.


Gentlemen, gentlemen: you have all done wonderful jobs. It's an evolving field. Still a lot of flux, and some "fuxing."