Pert Plus-Plus Stuff: About that Jeff Samardzija Photo

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Baseball aesthetics are baseball aesthetics are baseball aesthetics, and are as such more or less impossible to argue with. That's not to say that one can't or shouldn't object to people walking around with Brad Lidge-y style chin-merkins, or that one shouldn't bring old baseball cards of Dan Gladden and Bob Walk along when getting haircuts, as an example of what you do not wish to look like upon the haircut's conclusion. Just because baseball has its own aesthetic rules and unique misapprehensions as to what sort of personal grooming is not fireable-offense heinous, let alone actively okay, that doesn't mean that we aren't entitled to wonder about the wisdom of those standards.

Which brings us to the picture of Jeff Samardzija (left) that just recently moved on both Yahoo's baseball and "people auditioning to play Todd in a live action Beavis and Butthead movie" wire, and which has been stealing hearts and raising standards and smolderingly trying to get you to accept its offer of a Southern Comfort shot ever since. You may have some problems with this picture, and with the decisions that Samardzija made leading up to it, and was allowed to make by friends, family, the Cubs and the baseball community as a whole. You may wonder how Samardzija, who already skated on some highly dubious grooming decisions during his college days at Notre Dame, could possibly hope to pull off this particular "Mr. Indianapolis Bar & Grill Runner Up, 1987" look, or why he would hope to do so. These are all things worth wondering, and you are of course invited not to try to pull this particular look off yourself. So, yes: these are valid questions, and well worth asking. The picture is indeed something of a challenge in a bunch of ways.

But, more to the point: look at that picture. Look what's happening in it. Your arguments are invalid.

UPDATED: You knew this was coming. Thanks to the great @syourh for bringing it to (horrible) fruition.

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Isn't this just a transparent "if I get Lincecum's 'do, maybe I'll get Lincecum's arm" example of magical thinking?

My favorite bad Cubs pitcher facial hair was Matt Clement's terrible chinpad, which had pathos, because it was apparently a vanity piece to cover up his weirdly prominent actual chin. And the thing was, it worked because he looked less weird overall with the chinpad, making him the only person in world history for whom that was a good look.