Once A Knick/Nick/Nik/-Nyk/Nic/Nich, Always A Knick

Share |

Imagine a world better than this one. A world in which we have shed our agonies, anxieties, and bigotries. A world in which “no homo” is not a juvenile invocation of homophobia but rather a polite way of informing aspiring wordplayers that they didn’t quite hit their homonymic mark. (Close, but…) I invite you on a journey to a higher plane of existence: The Kingdom of Homonymy is within our grasp!

But first let us take stock of the dreary present. Ours is a world of famine and war, of oppressions both new and longstanding. It is a world in which much does not make sense. To appreciate this, we need look no further than the New York Knicks. Why, just last season, they traded two second-round picks and one first-round pick for Andrea Bargnani. No world in which this happens could be called just, or good, or kind.

In truth, the Knicks have not made sense for well over a decade. And who even knows what a Knickerbocker is? According to the Internet, it’s some kind of pants, but etymologically, it comes out somewhere in the neighborhood of “Undergarment Goat Thing.” It is such a gibberish term that the team has practically abandoned the “erbocker” part of it altogether.

The solution to our problems? The New York (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K)S, a new sublimity, a sublime homonymy, a beacon for our time.

Trade #1

The Bulls get their man; The Magic get a great defender; The Blazers get wins. But most importantly, the Knicks get two Niks, a Nic, and a Nich.

Trade #2

The Celtics need someone to approximate Rajon Rondo for the rest of the season. Iman Shumpert is known for his defense and has a repaired ACL. Kelly Olynyk, for his part, has ‘Nyk’ right there in his name.

Trade #3

The Thunder add scoring, length, and athleticism. The Timberwolves free up cap space for free agents. The Grizzlies get quicker. The Knicks add two Nicks and an additional Nik.

Trade #4

The Rockets improve their title hopes; the Lakers free up cap space for free agency; and the Kings add Andrea Bargnani, who will help their defense play four-on-five, per visionary owner Vivek Ranadive’s imperial will. Most importantly, the Knicks add two Nicks, a Nik, and a ‘Nik’. So long, So Right; Hello, Swaggy P!

NEW YORK (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K)S

Roster:

Nikola Vucevic

Nikola Pekovic

Nikola Mirotic

Andrew Nicholson

Kelly Olynyk

Kostas Papanikolau

Nick Johnson

Nick Young

Nick Stauskas

Nick Calathes

Nick Collison

Nicolas Batum

 

Leftovers:

Pablo Prigioni

Jason Smith

Shane Larkin

Travis Wear

Cole Aldrich

Quincy Acy

An NBA team is required to have between 13 and 15 players on its roster. However, it may proceed with only 12 players for up to two weeks. The (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K)S have reached the necessary homonymous 12. During the two-week grace period, Shane Larkin will be given the option of becoming Shane Larnik, just as Cole Aldrich will be given the option of becoming Cole Aldnich. The rest will be waived, and the team may consider filling out the roster with Euro ballers Nik Caner-Medley (free agency), Nik Fazekas (free agency), Nik Ivanovic (2015 draft eligible), Dominic McGuire, and/or D-Leaguer Nick Barbour.

TEAM OWNERS: It is possible that the Kingdom of Homonymy, being better than our world, will not have team owners. But if it does, I have it on good authority that New Yorker Nicki Minaj will own a controlling stake and sit courtside at all home games. Hollywood dreamboat Nicolas Cage will own a minority stake, emphatically represent the team at any draft lottery appearances, and take in the occasional game seated next to Ms. Minaj and pop sensation Nick Jonas, who will be allowed entry without so much as a ticket.

GENERAL MANAGER: Phil Jackson will anagrammatize his name to Nick Phaljos

COACH: Derek Fisher will be given the opportunity to change his name to Dernek Fisher. Otherwise, the job will go to Nick Van Exel, presently an assistant on the Milwaukee Bucks, and always a Nick.

TEAM DAD: Many of you may fondly recall sucking on orange slices at halftimes of your youth soccer games. Some benevolent parent brought them for your refreshment. Why should our sports heroes not receive the same pleasure? For that, they need a parent. Enter Yiannick Noah, Team Dad.

GOOD LUCK CHARM PERSON: Is it possible that Nick Anderson’s missed free throws in the 1994 Finals are not a curse that afflicts the Magic but rather a dark magic afflicting the (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K)S?

In our present world, such a person would be made to live a life of exile and loneliness. (See, e.g., Scott Norwood, Steve Bartman, Bill Buckner, the Chicago Cubs goat.) However, the Kingdom of Homonymy recognizes our shared humanity/goatness, and embraces the figurative and literal goats as GOOD LUCK CHARM PERSONS. Welcome back to Madison Square Garden, Nick Anderson, and, more importantly, welcome to the New York (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K)S!

CONCLUSION

Remember those youth soccer games I mentioned above? You need not think back to soccer specifically, but really to any youthful collective venture, though preferably one in which a doting parent provided orange slices. Remember when your coaches or parents would tell you that it’s ‘all-for-one, one-for-all,’ possibly to prepare you for the first time you read a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s? That is what it means to be a (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K). Each individual is subsumed into the greater whole, just as that greater whole becomes each individual. The result is a pleasant, peppermint tingle that lets you know it’s working.

Having been offered this opportunity by the whimsies of language, the benevolence of the universe, and the clarity of the vision that visited me as I lay drunk one night in my garage, we have no right to turn it down. Let us create a better world; Let us enter the Kingdom of Homonymy; The time is now for the New York (K)N(I)(Y)(C)(H)(K)S!

Share |

Comments

A debt of gratitude is in order For sharing this Superb article.I utilize this Article to demonstrate my task in college.it is helpful For me Great Work. toner ce390x

Your contents are progressing with days keep it up guys. Toner Original HP

Muchos Gracias for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic. betaland

Important tha"nks for the post. Want more.Enjoyed every bit of one's blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.A round of applause for your post.Much thanks again. May read on...Thank you very for you personally website article.Thanks Again. Cool.Fantastic article. Cool.Looking ahead to studying more. Good article.Really thanks!Rugs Store London

Hello good post, I truly liked examining it!Thanks for the cool informative post. Continue the fantastic function :)Thank you for your post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.Really appreciate you discussing that website post.Really many thanks! Actually Cool.Thank you ever so for you blog article.Thanks Again. Really Great.Rugs shop london

Thank you because you have been willing to share information with us. we will always appreciate all you have done here because I know you are very concerned with our. Apparel

I am so grateful for your article.Much thanks again. Fantastic. UK Price Comparison

Hey, thanks for the post.Thanks Again. Want more. Grammarly Premium Free

Hey, thanks for the blog.Thanks Again. Really Cool. RHINO LINER

Im obliged for the post. Awesome. bed liners

Im grateful for the blog.Much thanks again. Great. Doctor Clinic

Where can you get assignment help which is remarkably affordable, packed with perfection and done by the real subject experts, which are very hard to find easily these days? We know the answer. Assignment Help

Thanks again for the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great. best assignment service

Fantastic blog.Really thank you! Cool. cash for cars melbourne vic

Very cool article post.Much thanks again. Hold writing.Thank you for the article post.Really looking towards read more. Actually Cool.I enjoy and appreciate your post.Thanks Again. Really Greattravel agent merchant account

F1 Automobile Explaining not just cares about your car, we also worry about your health and the fitness of our environment. This is why we choose only the best products and services accessible to wash your automobile without hard compounds that will develop in the environment or bathe in to your upholstery where you breathe them in. Steam Washing: We more minimize our significance of washing services and products by employing water cleaning. This established antibacterial method gets your upholstery soil and microorganisms free without substances and a minimal number of wateF1 STEAM WASH AND BUFFING

Very good blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool. record a webinar on a pc free

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. record a webinar on a pc free

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. record a webinar on a pc free

Great, thanks for sharing this blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool. china wholesale

Great, thanks for sharing this blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool. china wholesale

I value the article. Much obliged. phonics for children singapore

I value the article. Much obliged. phonics for children singapore

I value the article. Much obliged. phonics for children singapore

I really like and appreciate your article post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on... is it good to shower everyday

Great, thanks for sharing this post.Thanks Again. Really Cool. best wireless microphone for singers

Very good post.Really thank you! Will read on... jeepsunrisemerapi.com

Hey, thanks for the blog.Thanks Again. Really Cool. era real estate agent singapore

Awesome article.Really looking forward to read more. Hold writing.Im obliged for the website post.Really thank you! Awesome.Great article. Cool.insulation

Thank you for your article post.Really thank you! Cool. tailor made cheongsam

I value the blog. Keep writing. photoshoot for family in singapore

This is one awesome blog article.Much thanks again. hochzeitsfotograf

Muchos Gracias for your blog.Really thank you! Will read on... Learn crypto investing

Looking forward to reading more. Great article.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing. all on 4 implants

I value the article. Much obliged. prf dental

I value the article. Much obliged. prf dental

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. self-publish ebook

Enjoyed every bit of your blog article. Much obliged. 배그대리

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. kitchen accessories and their uses

Great article. Cool. houston dwi attorney

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. http://www.thietkewebgiaresaigon.com/the-impact-of-lcd-television/

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. http://www.thietkewebgiaresaigon.com/the-impact-of-lcd-television/

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. Event Marketing Worcestershire

Im obliged for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome. Event Marketing Worcestershire

You make so many great points here that I read your article a couple of times. Your views are in accordance with my own for the most part. This is great content for your readers. siptv channels

i am always looking for some free stuffs over the internet. there are also some companies which gives free samples. brian holm lawyer san diego

Thank you for some other informative blog. Where else could I get that type of information written in such an ideal means? I have a mission that I’m just now working on, and I have been at the look out for such information. mehr Infos

I haven’t any word to appreciate this post.....Really i am impressed from this post....the person who create this post it was a great human..thanks for shared this with us. ver peliculas marvel dc en linea

I haven’t any word to appreciate this post.....Really i am impressed from this post....the person who create this post it was a great human..thanks for shared this with us. tattoo studios in mumbai