Not Coming Soon: The Best/Worst Rejected "30 For 30" Ideas

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This probably doesn't even bear mentioning, but ESPN's 30 For 30 is always very good, and more than occasionally actually great. Everyone thinks this, and everyone is pretty much right to think it. This doesn't do much to mitigate the weirdness of people getting psyched about the announcement of a bunch of new documentaries, but even this is a good kind of weirdness: I want to live in a world in which people get really excited about documentaries. That world would be great. Steve James would be dating Charlize Theron and theaters would be showing Fog of War in IMAX. That is admittedly a difficult world to imagine, but so, as recently as several years ago, was one in which we all got to watch, for free, a handsomely mounted documentary on Bo Jackson, which is just a great idea and one I'm looking forward to a lot.

But while I'm glad that 30 For 30 exists, I was also not surprised to find myself joking around about it on gchat with Classical contributor and homeperson Brendan Flynn yesterday. It went more or less as you'd expect: he'd propose "Cortese The Killer: Anatomy of a Rock and Jock Legend," and I'd counter-propose "Oh My Goodness Gracious: Suzyn Waldman, Story of a Voice." He'd suggest "Go Daddy: How Danica Patrick Changed Racing, And Advertising" or an episode in which James Lipton interviews Shaq about his movies—"Real Steel (14-second pause). A transporting journey into childhood."—and I'd suggest "To Win The Game: A Herman Edwards Story" or "Hot Sauce From The And1 Tour: A Life In Five Parts." No big deal. Just the sort of thing two cool guys do late at night while watching a lopsided basketball game.

But then I took it to Twitter, and Twitter took to it, and some 12 hours later #Rejected30For30 is still popping, and making me laugh, and proving that, as Ryan Genovese noted, the "Pun Colon Obscure Sports Reference: The Story of " format just works.

And so, because it's Friday and because it is not a crime to amuse oneself, here are some of my favorites from #Rejected30For30. You should probably follow all the people that came up with these various small bits of dorko-genius, and maybe send them some sort of moderately priced Edible Arrangements thing. It seems like the least you could do, honestly:

Sixto! The Legend of Sixto Lezcano - @WSJSports

Teuf Eneuf: Tim Teufel, the '86 Mets, and Childhood's End - @RandsBallStu

Flood on the Tracks: Two Hours About Baseball's Reserve Clause - @MichiganLing

Brownfall: The Tim Couch/Akili Smith Decision - @MichiganLing

Baseball Preference: The Billy Bean Story - @MichiganLing, again. Mr. Anthony Ling, I should point out, was way better at this than anyone else, and I could've picked a half dozen of his, here.

Boca Seniors: The True Story Of Buenos Aires' Top Bocce Ball Club - @TimMarchman

Among the Pugs: Westminster and the Dark Heart of the American Dream - @TimMarchman

My Eyes Are Bleeding: Boston's Most Bug-Henching Moments of the Last 33 Years, According to Vegas Odds - @Mobute

By Any Other Name: The Meaning and Impact of Jalen Rose - @alastowka

America's Cusp: Yacht Racing Out of the Espn Spotlight - @samreiss_

Enis Envy: When Curtis Owned Chicago - @alastowka

The Other Mariano: Duncan and the '96 Yankees - @AMirch729

The Emanski Jump: How Sunday Morning Infomercials Changed the Instructional Baseball VHS Market Forever - @dc118

There are many more. You can also make some up yourself, on Twitter or here. The important thing is... actually, there's nothing important about this. But it's Friday, so by all means knock yourself out.

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