Introducing The Classical's Spam Poetry Section

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We've got something of a problem with spam comments over here, we know. In a perfect world, we would of course not have all these spam comments, and all of us would not need to read articles about sports in order to find outrageously great deals on bootleg Oakley sunglasses. But in the spirit of creative recuperation, and because there is some really great random English and semi-English in these spam comments, we're going to mine these comments for their moments of poetry. As long as there are spam comments, there will be these poems. If you find poetic spam moments in our comments section and are moved to compose, please feel free to email Dave. Our first poet is super-commenter and Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Sorry Your Heinous.

1. The Candidate

You can find a number,

likely to most almost certainly take into consideration

the rumors,


You’re trying too hard.

Deceive the truth, Nike CTR360Romney


2. The Hunger

The USDA said meat

from the infected animal

had not entered the food supply…


It is believed

that humans can contract

a similar deadly brain disease,


But there is really no concern for alargftrming high hedeels


3. Untitled, Morning

The more stronger sunlight, scorching…

Thank you certified nursing assistant

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"You can find a number

from the infected animal,