In Which the Hollywood Sign Threatens to Sue an NHL Goalie, Then Claims the Whole Thing Was Just a Misunderstanding

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Last month, my colleague Pete Beatty performed the public service of describing every thing on every NHL goalie mask. Here is his accounting of Los Angeles Kings backup Jonathan Bernier's mask:

The HOLLYWOOD sign, and a lion, and a reel of film, and more crowns.

Alas, this is no longer the case. Kings blog Mayor's Manor reports that Bernier was forced to remove the HOLLYWOOD sign from his mask after the sign's keepers, the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, threatened legal action against him. Bernier, a well-meaning 23-year-old from Quebec, was flummoxed.

"I don’t understand," he said.  "Guys here have been using the Hollywood sign on their masks going all the way back to Kelly Hrudey.”

Indeed they have. Hrudey, for one, wore the HOLLYWOOD sign on his mask through some truly awful seasons with the Kings. If anything reflected badly on the sign, the film industry, and greater Los Angeles, it was Hrudey's propensity for regularly allowing six or seven pucks to get past him in a single period. (This does nothing to change the fact that Kelly Hrudey is awesome and anybody who says otherwise is a mean liar. The Kings' early '90s goalie tandem of Hrudey and Robb Stauber, who frequently skated the puck out of the crease and up to the blue line for no reason at all, was definitive in terms of style at the expense of actually stopping pucks.) Bernier, on the other hand, is really good and really promising.

So why would the keepers of the sign behave like such litigious assholes? Probably, they are behaving like assholes because that is what they are: insecure schmucks who have no idea how silly they look to the outside world and demand compensation as some sort of glimmering recognition that they exist, lurking in a trapdoor in the second O. Or else somebody high up there is a Ducks fan and thinks this is funny (which it obviously is.)

The reality is that the sign needs L.A. as much as L.A. needs the sign; every remaining letter would have probably been rotted away by acid rain by now had celebrities like Hugh Hefner not repeatedly stepped in and donated large sums of money for preservation. What people care about is not big white letters on the hill, but, you know, the movies they represent. The fact that this is even happening, and that people are writing about it, basically confirms every terrible stereotype about Hollywood being a fatuous, greedy, and vain place. 

UPDATE: A spokesperson told Mayor's Manor that the Chamber of Commerce made a mistake, and that Bernier again has the okay to wear his horribly offensive, copyright-infringing mask. Apparently the Kings did not provide enough information as to just howBernier was using  the HOLLYWOOD sign. Consider this a small, small victory for sanity, I guess.

Anyway, without further ado, I present Robb Stauber highlights (fast-forward to the one-minute mark if you are in a hurry):

 

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Anyway, without further ado, I present Robb Stauber highlights (fast-forward to the one-minute mark if you are in a hurry): opt in email lists

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Seems to me that Stauber was Hollywood as hell, and that Bernier still has something to prove.

I wish that the actual complaint by the Chamber of Commerce was "Yo Bernier, you are not Hollywood enough to wear the Hollywood sign on your helmet. Get some style."

I vaguely recall Don Cherry doing a Coach's Corner segment in L.A. while wearing a Hrudey-esque (Hrudian?) bandanna.