Footballz Podcast, Week 8: Monday Night Mouth-Breathing

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Illustration by Aaron Hadley Dana

Maybe there's a charisma that we don't see, or that's pitched at a frequency range that can only be perceived by NFL players. Surely the being tall and strong and able to throw footballs longer distances than the average charmer has something to do with it, but the two quarterbacks in Week 8's Monday Night Football match-up are two halves of the same NFL mystery. Andrew Luck is a gape-mouthed galoot who speaks like someone doing an imitation of a Dorky White Dude; Eli Manning is a gape-mouthed galoot who has better diction, but also has not fully closed his mouth in the entirety of his public life.

These are the leaders of NFL teams. These are the men whose names will be heard most often during Monday's ESPN broadcast of this game. ESPN is going to show you their faces a great many times; their open mouths will probably comprise some 45 minutes of television time tonight, all told. This being ESPN, it will not even be the worst thing on the broadcast. We have already seen that, for better or worse.

But yes: much talking will be done about Eli Manning and Andrew Luck tonight. Sentences will start with "I'll tell you what" and resolve with no one having been told what. This, and not only this, is why it is nice to have a second audio track.

Luckily, our heroes are on that. Mac and TD will be joined tonight by Texas Crossfit impresario Carl McWaters and special call-in guests TBD. It could be me. It could be you. UPDATE: it will in fact be longtime Classical contributor and everyone's very talented buddy Miles Wray. It will not be either Jon Gruden or Mike Tirico, and it probably won't be Ron Jaworski, and that should really be enough.

As always, you can listen here or at

Footballz is on Mixlr

And chat it up here as needed. Stay strong, friends.

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