Illustration by Aaron Hadley Dana
There is good news, but it is telling in a sense that the good news arrives in the form of rectangular ginger quarterbacking unit Andy Dalton. The good news, on tonight's Monday Night Football, is that the Cincinnati Bengals are good, and even kind of fun to watch. Dalton, one of the NFL's most reliable punchlines in recent years, is putting together a fantastic season, the defense is good, there is a gifted tight end whose last name sounds like I Fart—this is all good. This is a fun team to watch play football. It's good news! Sadly, this paragraph is over.
And more sadly, this paragraph must note, in the interest of completeness, that the Bengals do in fact have an opponent on Monday Night Football, and that it is the Houston Texans. The Texans, a team that is self-thwarting and overexposed and not terribly well-quarterbacked and owned by a cheesy hands-on bigot and, worst of all, somehow still in the playoff mix in the totally execrable AFC South. It is bad enough that the NFL's advertisers give us a dozen or so appearances by JJ "Marine Todd" Watt in every broadcast; we must now prepare ourselves for the possibility of watching the Texans themselves play in games that matter.
So you have a rooting interest, then: Big Red and the I Fart guy over JJ Watt's Ragtag Fumble Recovery Unit. But there is still the matter of the game, which may be a bit rough. Luckily, there is Footballz, and luckily our heroes came prepared. Tonight's show is exuberantly, blessedly guest-ful, with comedian and improviser Amanda Poryes and fellow comic Ryan Douglass joining TD and Mac in the studio, and comedian Will Weldon calling in at halftime. Fold in the tantalizing promise that this will finally be the week TD tells his story about catching a big dumb t-shirt out of a T-Shirt Cannon at a Knicks game, and it looks like this thing might just be saveable.
At the very least, we know the Footballz fam will do their best to save it. It's streaming here and at footballz.org, starting right around kickoff. Look, we know this isn't going to be easy. Nothing involving watching the Texans play is. Let's work together. Let's trust each other. Let's do our best.
And of course feel free to chat it up below: