I'm quite literally never asked, "David, how did you get so mellow? And furthermore, if I can venture a follow-up, how do you stay so mellow?" I'm not-asked this for a number of reasons. I'm very handsome, and so people get really nervous around me, is a big one. Also and maybe more to the point, I'm not at all mellow. But if I were, despite being extravagantly unqualified to do so, to write you a prescription for baseball-inflected mellowness on a Monday, and I couldn't actually just give you some recreational drugs and an opportunity to watch Kundun or a Clayton Kershaw spring training start or something, I'd tell you to do this.
I'd tell you to experience the magical mind-body high provided through the magic of YouTube Doubler, the Miami Marlins Home Run Feature/Visual Representation Of A Tripping Infant's Oceanside Freakout, and Wooden Shjips' "Clouds Over Earthquake." The song is longer than the video, but the video is endlessly rewatchable, and you'll want to watch it several times anyway to really enjoy the exploration into your consciousness granules, and to let the animatronic marlins start messing around with stuff. (Also, if you watch it on the YouTubeDoubler site, everything loops automatically, which is both harrowing and perfect) Put your headphones on. Actually, you know what? Put your mindphones on. Don't just turn the music up, turn your feelings up.
Oh, and if you want to experience it in full-screen glory, go here.
And now you know.