Serious bad news for hockey lifestyle advocates arrived today, via the scholarly journal Environmental Research Letters. Researchs Nikolay N. Damyanov, H. Damon Matthews, and Lawrence A. Mysak report that the length of the outdoor skating season is getting shorter and shorter, because the average winter temperature in Hortonia is getting warmer and warmer. This isn't exactly the Maldives ceasing to exist or Bangladesh needing to relocate 13.5 million people, but it's pretty bad. Outdoor skating is featured on the back of the Canadian $5 bill, so this is roughly as big a deal as the Lincoln Memorial melting because of excess summer temperatures, by a debatable application of the transitive property. The Classical has sourced some footage from the front lines of the ice crisis, shared below.
[Hat tip to the always-informative SmithsonianSurprising Science blog for making us aware of the outdoor skating crisis.]