Dana White Explains Television To You Idiots

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For those out of the loop, and if the UFC’s recent ratings are any indication it’s the vast majority of you, the promotion's ambitious “Bro, we’re gonna make the UFC mainstream and bigger than soccer and BIGGER THAN THE EXPENDABLES 2!” thing isn’t going too well. Ratings for UFC programming on Fox’s platforms (Fox, FX and Fuel) have been trending downward after a promising start, and the hoped-for bump in pay-per-view (PPV) buys that Fox’s exposure would garner has yet to materialize.

All of this could have been dismissed as expected growing pains until the bro-pocalyptic ratings for UFC on Fox 3 came in. The show drew an audience average of 2.4 million viewers with a peak of 2.9 million, both of which represent drops of about 50 percent from the previous UFC on Fox show. Go back to the UFC on Fox debut and the ratings represent a decline of something more like two-thirds. Most embarrassing of all, however, is the fact that the average audience for UFC on Fox 3 drew less viewers than an average 2012 episode of Cops. In other words, the UFC can’t even attract the same morons who revel in the cruel, brain-dead operatics of socioeconomic inequality on display in television's longest-running abomination. I’m no TV expert, but that sounds like a pretty fucking reachable demographic for a product that is dudes hitting each other dumb hard.

That is something to keep in mind as you watch this piece of…well, I don’t know what this is, but it very clearly makes a point about Dana White that took me over two thousand words to make last month. In it, UFC President and pile of rotten ham Dana White calls out longstanding MMA media members Dave Meltzer and Kevin Iole for having the audacity to report the UFC’s shit ratings. The gist of White’s pointlessly vigorous defense is…again, I’m not sure what the hell it is since I am not, as noted earlier a television expert and also don’t speak insecure babble. So you figure it out. Watch this guy explain how television and argumentation and sarcasm work.

So there's all that. What I know for sure is that White fails to see how bad it looks when he publicly declares that people would rather spend money getting drunk and/or watching The Avengers than watch the UFC for free. The rest of District Brottorney White’s argument, I think, is that old people don’t count.

Conspicuous in its absence from his diatribe is the Mayweather-Cotto PPV, which drew 1.5 million buys the same night UFC on Fox 3 aired. Fun fact: the UFC has aired four PPV events this year totaling an estimated 1.7 million buys. As always, the key to effective scream-debate is to ignore reality. Also loudness. By those standards, if maybe only by those standards, White is doing great. What you see in the video above is just this human Latvian energy drink doing him job.

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Not to mention that he makes fun of a dude for getting laid off.

The irony here is that Dana is the one engaging in reality manipulation.

Yahoo! significantly cut down on their investment in MMA coverage because it wasn't providing a commensurate return—AOL actually did the same. Meltzer doesn't come cheap and, because of the success of The Wrestling Observer, doesn't need to take a pay cut from anyone.

Hell, Meltzer doesn't even need to cover MMA. Not for monetary reasons at least.

I'm no Nielsen staffer, but it sounds like he makes a few good points.

--Not going to fault a guy for being overly belligerent and aggressive when he runs an organization that does nothing but sell belligerence and aggression.

Okay, I'll quit writing forever if you can explain how any of Dana's "points" beat this one:

Fox will pay the UFC roughly $700 million over the next seven years for programming. A season of Cops, like any reality TV show, costs next to nothing to produce.

In what world is it "good" that the last UFC on Fox show was outperformed by an average episode of Cops?

I wasn't referring to anything 'beating' anything, in that MMA was a good deal for Fox... but simply that a few points (such as the demographic information) Dana refers to sounded reasonable.

I was not disagreeing. I've always thought MMA was a fad, and we would (hopefully) get back to boxing eventually.

I was more so wanting to add to the piece with a joke that an MMA/UFC exec would, you know, act like a caricatured UFC/MMA belligerent meathead when challenged.