Classical Gift-Buying Supplement: Picking The Right Starter Parka For Your Loved Ones

Hannukah is over and Christmas is looming, and some of us have not yet bought gifts for our loved ones. Some of this is your fault—you saw the line outside the NBA Store, you knew that if you didn't line up you wouldn't get astonishing deals on remaindered Acie Law IV Atlanta Hawks jerseys for the whole family, and yet you didn't get in that line. It's right that you feel guilty about this.

But all is not lost. In this first installment of the Classical's weeklong gift-giving special, we present Ben Lyon's 1990’s Expansion Team Starter Jacket Last Minute Make It a December to Remember Holiday Gift Guide. Get your bids up: eBay auctions, like Acie Law IV Hawks jerseys (or eBay auctions on Acie Law IV Hawks jerseys) are fleeting.

Gold

When wearing the Marlins logo you need to do it unadorned of any colors (especially since those colors are likely to change based on whatever Jasper Johns piece Jeff Loria just bought). This jacket is the perfect accoutrement for gazing at a body of water and wistfully thinking of Jeff Conine.

Frankincense:

The holy grail of starter jackets: the puffy parkas. There is a chance you will be assaulted for this coat, but the extreme puffiness should absorb some of the body blows. The enduringly intimidating Matlock-blue of the Houston Oilers makes for a classic look.

Myrrh:

Do you feel the groundswell of support for Charlotte to reclaim the “Hornets” nickname, now that New Orleans has disposed of it? Will this cause be the Tea Party Revolution of 2013? After all, “Hornets” refers to Charlotte’s role in the Revolutionary War, and man, do those Tea Party types LOVE that particular period. Here, for perhaps the only time, is a relatively safe opportunity to share something in common with Glenn Beck. Put it on your white board and cry fat tears about it: you should buy this jacket.