Have you ever wanted to know what's going on inside of LeBron James's head during this year's NBA Finals? Or the hopes and dreams of America regarding Magic Johnson and his long-term employment prospects with ESPN? Well, now you can! Using space-age technology (Andrew Kuo) secretly procured by The Classical, we can now peer into men's minds and present our findings to you, the reader. No need to thank us, the look on your faces is thanks enough.