Topic: MLB

The baseball season is very long, and to be as long as it is, games must begin in April, when it is still frankly too cold for baseball. Still, as with all things baseball, there's something divine and awesome in it, even when you can't feel your fingers.

The Kansas City Royals are a lousy baseball team, and not much better for having traded away some of their best prospects in the offseason's biggest blockbuster deal last month. But, thanks to a combination of corporate fecklessness and unaccountability, the Royals are more depressing as a metaphor than they are as a team.

The jokes are right there when it comes to Jeffrey Loria's recent situationist prank/gutting of the Miami Marlins. But even with baseball's evilest muppet acting his evilest in the middle of it all, it's tough to laugh at the latest bit of avant-garde shamelessness from baseball's worst owner. Tough, but not impossible.

We present to you, without comment, our favorite press release ... ever.