Topic: Football

May 1, 2012

The story of four of the approximately ten times a year the author tries to gin up the courage to quit liking the Cleveland Browns, and some reflections on salvation, mediocrity, and Pynchon names.

April 26, 2012

For football fans, the NFL Draft feels a lot like Christmas morning, only with Mel Kiper Jr. and an obviously inebriated Chris Berman standing in for Santa Claus. But some gifts are defective. In the interest of tamping down expectations—and harshing your draft day mellow—here are some worst-case scenarios for the draft's most highly regarded quarterbacks.

April 24, 2012

I tried to appreciate United. I tried to appreciate Chelsea. I tried to appreciate Tottenham. But it proved impossible to watch any of these sides without fizzing into a toxic puddle of weapons-grade hatred. 

April 16, 2012

The most boring story in the history of the world, featuring Jean-Paul Sartre, Mel Hall, ancient Sumerians, Fuad Reveiz, and Tim Gunn.

April 16, 2012

A rare and special excerpt from a forthcoming novel torn from the headlines: A man dares damnation to have his revenge on tiki-taka.

March 27, 2012

Lionel Messi endures barging and all manner of grappling; studs to the hip; ankle taps and sneaky shirt-pulls and successive outrageously late sliding tackles. Sometimes, the assaults Messi endures look almost choreographed—his obsession with staying on the ball mirrors our own fascination with watching him.

March 26, 2012

Tim Tebow does more than run well and pass less well. The guy can also use his words, as he showed in his first press conference as a member of the Jets. Some words, to be fair, got used a lot more than others.

March 22, 2012

The NFL has finally handed down the punishments due to the New Orleans Saints' bounty-hunting regime. The penalties will sting, but they're also a combination of severity and irrelevance that should surprise no one. There's money to be made, after all.

March 13, 2012

Modern Football, a 1951 short sponsored by Wheaties and Wilson, is very likely Altman's director's first solo credit. So there's that immense historical value. But it's more than just a curiosity; without trying too hard, you can see glimpses of the director Altman would soon become. 

March 5, 2012

Early last week, Charles Star analogized the Saints defense to an excreta-gobbling remora hitching a ride on a megashark offense. On Friday afternoon, a NFL report revealed that this remora was something of a predator in its own right.