Topic: EPL

January 18, 2013

For those lucky enough to be  born into a family of United or City supporters, life is filled with the hopes and dreams of the Champions League or sitting atop the Premiership. For those who follow those teams in the lower divisions there is only one thing to hope for: (relative) success through avoiding (abject) failure. 

September 12, 2012

With his triumphs as a member of the Gunners behind him, incandescently brilliant striker Robin van Persie has begun a new life with a new team at Old Trafford. But that doesn't mean that the Gooners have forgotten about him or his silhouette. And that's not as weird as it sounds.

February 21, 2012

Once you're cast in bronze, there isn't really anywhere further to go. All that's left is the chance to reaffirm, and when what's being reaffirmed is Thierry Henry's Arsenalness and Arsenal's Henryness; when what's being reaffirmed is the standing of someone who was departed yet now stands before you: it's going to get monumental.

January 17, 2012

In which our hero visits a college to use the bathroom.

January 9, 2012

In which our hero gets shouted out by British rapper Tinchy Stryder, and not just because "Balotelli" rhymes so easily with so many things.

December 27, 2011

A few weeks ago, Arsenal's Robin van Persie scored the only goal of the match amidst a mediocre team performance against Everton. The day before, in celebration of the club's 125th anniversary, statues were unveiled outside the Emirates Stadium commemorating Tony Adams and Thierry Henry—two great figures from Arsenal's recent past—and Herbert Chapman—the great figure of Arsenal's distant past. Van Persie's goal was moving sculpture. As Alex Song played a delightful ball over the defence, van Persie snuck behind his marker and let loose a volley that was damn near perfect, a goal so shattering that it was almost a miniature Big Bang.

December 20, 2011

In which our hero fights with a teammate, causes his club to take action, and proves integral to victory anyway.

December 13, 2011

In this installment, Mario finances a school, breaks a curfew, steals gloves, and scores a goal. How could you ever call such a person a bad boy?

December 5, 2011

The first in a running series on the Premier League's most bizarre figure. In this installment, Mario scores a goal with his shoulder on purpose.