Author Bio & Stories

  • It might not be the best idea to ask horny, spammy internet robots for romantic advice on Valentine's Day. But they're going to offer that advice anyway, because that is what they do.

  • February 14, 2013
    Brand Upon The Brain

    Darren Rovell has been kicked around a lot over the past week. He deserves it, as he generally does, but perhaps worse than anything Rovell said or did is that he was just doing his job.

  • February 1, 2013
    What's Eating Roger Goodell

    Whatever Super Bowl Sunday brings us, Krewe du Vieux's float of a giant vagina eating Roger Goodell has already given us the most enduring, and maybe most appropriate (if still plenty inappropriate), image for Super Bowl XLV.

  • San Francisco 49ers defensive back Chris Culliver has a bigger platform than most goons from which to broadcast off-the-rack no-homo idiocy. Quite aside from the comments he made to Artie Lange on Super Bowl Media Day, there are Culliver's one million Twitter followers. Wait, what?

  • January 23, 2013
    Spam Poetics: A Consultation The Clog

    In which robo-hucksters offer some constructive criticism and sage advice about improving the site, and also discuss problems at home, and finally offer an amazing deal on "sex tubes."

  • The spammers are still speaking. We are still listening. And from this familiar torrent of OUTRAGEOUS DEALS ON SUNGLASSES, a poetic message has emerged. It's also mostly about sunglasses.

  • Shane Battier is hosting a karaoke event to benefit the Shane Battier Take Charge Foundation, which is a worthy enough idea. He cut a video of himself singing the theme to "The Love Boat" to advertise this event, which was... a much more debatable idea, honestly.

  • It's hard to get too angry about the Baseball Writers Association of America's decision not to induct anyone from a stacked class of eligible players to the Hall of Fame this year. It's just the Hall of Fame, after all. But it's definitely possible to get angry about it if you try.

  • A new poem about writing less and nail fungus, brought to you by the hundreds of spam comments that we delete every week. Don't thank us, thank the internet.

  • December 24, 2012
    Silent Nights (And Days)

    We're going to be in energy-save mode through the New Year. Then we'll come back.