Author Bio & Stories

  • A new poem about writing less and nail fungus, brought to you by the hundreds of spam comments that we delete every week. Don't thank us, thank the internet.

  • December 24, 2012
    Silent Nights (And Days)

    We're going to be in energy-save mode through the New Year. Then we'll come back.

  • Yes, in a basic sense, buying a used replica football jersey on eBay is as easy as searching eBay for used replica football jerseys. But how do you know which Tim Couch jersey is right for you? We've got you.

  • Everyone is getting paid. Some people are getting traded. The Mets ownership group is performing some sort of mean-spirited Dadaist prank on the very idea of baseball. Sam Horn springs fully formed and hungry for burgers from the head of David Raposa. Business as usual.

  • In which a sassy young dude walks on the field at a Buccaneers home game, throws down some dance moves with the Bucs' cheerleaders, and teaches us all a valuable lesson.

  • December 5, 2012
    One Year

    It has been one year, give or take, since The Classical became a thing. We owe that year to you, and are hugely grateful for it. Now let's figure out what's next.

  • In a deeply felt opinion piece for a free newspaper, the bellowing goofus who leads the J-E-T-S chants at Jets games makes a farewell address to his team and his legions of mostly imaginary fans. Also he's not going away, probably.

  • November 19, 2012
    Get Psyched With Juan Pierre The Clog

    Marlins fans might be having a difficult time getting motivated for next season. Luckily for them, the team's new left fielder Juan Pierre is here to help. Let's get psyched, everyone!

  • The jokes are right there when it comes to Jeffrey Loria's recent situationist prank/gutting of the Miami Marlins. But even with baseball's evilest muppet acting his evilest in the middle of it all, it's tough to laugh at the latest bit of avant-garde shamelessness from baseball's worst owner. Tough, but not impossible.

  • In January of 1955, a then-fledgling Sports Illustrated sent William Faulkner to a Rangers/Canadiens game at the old Madison Square Garden. The resulting essay is brief, great, and exactly as Faulkner At A Hockey Game as you'd expect.