Jay Buhner's kid is named Gunnar, and he is about to be a professional baseball player. Bud Selig is a renegade lawman. Chuck Knoblauch's nephew wants to play flip-cup. Terry Collins is possessed by a demon that loves bunts. Nothing will ever be the same.
In which we welcome our robot overlords, wonder when the Arizona Diamondbacks will secede, digress in defense of digressive broadcasters and so on. Also Dan Shaughnessey.
Bo Jackson is one of the most transcendent athletes of his or any era. That's part of why his promos for 5-Hour Energy are such a bummer, although that's certainly not all of it.
Coaches wearing mittens, Jeffrey Loria in a series of can't-miss television pilots, the Houston Astros in first place, and other April Baseball Things.
It's Opening Day: a day to summon hope where possible and delusion where necessary, bust on Shane Victorino out of reflex, and try not to make eye contact with the Arizona Diamondbacks. A hugely digressive and mostly useless season preview, in dialogue form.