Author Bio & Stories

  • We're not allowed to embed the extremely good rap anthem that Russell Wilson recorded to impress his teammates and cement his relationship with some of America's most popular brands. It's complicated. But we do have a transcript.

  • The New York Knicks have problems. This is an attempt to fix them by constructing a team built entirely out of "Knick" homonyms. It just might work.

  • June 26, 2014
    Brow Beat

    I couldn’t understand why Anthony Davis had contacted me. Was it just a guise to get me to download this silly Unibrowswer web app? The app was the linchpin of a promotional push built around A.D.’s upcoming All-Star Game appearance. But if they were marketing it to graybeards like me, their branding needed a serious tune-up. After my fifth click, though, I saw why A.D. needed me.

  • No, you fine Memphis ballers shall not fade.

  • March 20, 2014
    On Onions!, Literally The Clog

    A principled refusal to take Bill Raftery's signature catchphrase as being about anything but onions. They're delicious!

  • Obviously, the soap would always compete. I imagine this would be evident in its cleaning and moisturizing capacity, and/or in some other characteristic currently envisioned only by a competitor in relentless pursuit of a competitive edge in soaps.

  • January 6, 2014
    Top-Shelf Talent

    I booked a room near the beach and didn’t tell anyone I was in town. So Lamar had no idea I was only twenty minutes away when he called me at 2:00 A.M. from his new restaurant in Hollywood.

    “I’m only twenty minutes away,” I told him, reluctantly. “What’s the case?”

    “I think you’d better just come over,” he said.

  • December 26, 2013
    Turn of the Screw

    Originally published October 16, 2013.

    My pager buzzed. This was the pager I reserved exclusively for NBA jobs. I told Latrell Sprewell to keep the beer and found a payphone.

    “Hello.” The voice was deep and gruff.

    “This is Macadamia Charles,” I said. “Who’s this?”

    “This is Glenn Robinson.”

  • September 13, 2013
    Win Forever The Clog

    What coaches like Pete Carroll are selling is less their philosophies than their insane commitment to those philosophies. The medium is the message. It’s not hucksterism if you never break character. 

  • August 26, 2013
    Mow Down Philly

    I don’t often dress up for Halloween, but then I don’t often lose golf games to Charles Barkley either. In 2012, I did both.

    Barkley’s a bit richer than I, so when we wager, the currency is humiliation. Before we played our annual game in September, he reminded me that we’d be sitting front row with Dr. Jack Ramsay at the Sixers’ season opener on Halloween. The loser, we decided, would have to attend the game dressed as Big Shot, the former Sixers mascot.