Author Bio & Stories

  • Right now, NBA teams are especially into a very specific type of player—long, athletic, and with very specific skills. Here's a look into what's (probably not) next.

  • If the Slam Dunk Contest is going to get back to where it was, and into a glorious future, it is going to have to go big, get weird, and embrace Kenny Loggins' contribution to the Top Gun soundtrack. Drake, Sting, and Val Kilmer can help.

  • We're not allowed to embed the extremely good rap anthem that Russell Wilson recorded to impress his teammates and cement his relationship with some of America's most popular brands. It's complicated. But we do have a transcript.

  • The New York Knicks have problems. This is an attempt to fix them by constructing a team built entirely out of "Knick" homonyms. It just might work.

  • June 26, 2014
    Brow Beat

    I couldn’t understand why Anthony Davis had contacted me. Was it just a guise to get me to download this silly Unibrowswer web app? The app was the linchpin of a promotional push built around A.D.’s upcoming All-Star Game appearance. But if they were marketing it to graybeards like me, their branding needed a serious tune-up. After my fifth click, though, I saw why A.D. needed me.

  • No, you fine Memphis ballers shall not fade.

  • March 20, 2014
    On Onions!, Literally The Clog

    A principled refusal to take Bill Raftery's signature catchphrase as being about anything but onions. They're delicious!

  • Obviously, the soap would always compete. I imagine this would be evident in its cleaning and moisturizing capacity, and/or in some other characteristic currently envisioned only by a competitor in relentless pursuit of a competitive edge in soaps.

  • January 6, 2014
    Top-Shelf Talent

    I booked a room near the beach and didn’t tell anyone I was in town. So Lamar had no idea I was only twenty minutes away when he called me at 2:00 A.M. from his new restaurant in Hollywood.

    “I’m only twenty minutes away,” I told him, reluctantly. “What’s the case?”

    “I think you’d better just come over,” he said.

  • December 26, 2013
    Turn of the Screw

    Originally published October 16, 2013.

    My pager buzzed. This was the pager I reserved exclusively for NBA jobs. I told Latrell Sprewell to keep the beer and found a payphone.

    “Hello.” The voice was deep and gruff.

    “This is Macadamia Charles,” I said. “Who’s this?”

    “This is Glenn Robinson.”