Author Bio & Stories

Chris Collision

Chris Collision lives, works, and rides his bike in Oakland. He drinks too much coffee and will annoy the hell out of you (about HEAVY TUNES, hockey, his girlfriend and justice) on Twitter.

  • April 26, 2013
    Losing Again: A Puck Opera

    Late-season games between teams at the bottom of the standings are never easy to get through. When the second-to-last Flames visited the last-place Avalanche, things got dull on the ice. Off the ice, they got really real. A play in verse seemed like the right way to figure out how things went down. 

  • March 27, 2013
    Memo from Ursa Major: An Introduction to the Alaska Nanooks — The Clog

    Come with The Classical to the frozen north, where roam the bears.  You've seen the bears: they rumble-bumble, eat Cheetos, sit on couches. And sometimes they do other human-like things, like play hockey and destroy the entire planet for hockey reasons.

  • January 8, 2013
    Raptor in the Winter

    For the second installment in our weeklong celebration of all things Kenny Lofton, Chris Collision recalls the tall tales told by his old professor about the venerable outfielder, which raised more questions than they answered. Was this professor a millionaire? A swinger? A genius? Whatever the case, this man knew a great ballplayer when he saw one.

  • January 2, 2013
    Royals, Nation

    The Kansas City Royals are a lousy baseball team, and not much better for having traded away some of their best prospects in the offseason's biggest blockbuster deal last month. But, thanks to a combination of corporate fecklessness and unaccountability, the Royals are more depressing as a metaphor than they are as a team.

  • November 16, 2012
    Why We Watch: Andre Miller, The Seer

    Andre Miller has been doing his strange, generous, effort-ful thing for a long time, now. It's remarkable because of how good he is at it, but also because he never makes it look easy except for the moments when it should be the hardest.

  • October 22, 2012
    All Aboard: In Defense of Sleep Train Arena, and Sleep Train, and Some Other Things — The Clog

    Never mind the practical consideration of trying to sleep while DeMarcus Cousins yells for the ball: all those easy jokes about the Sacramento Kings' newly re-named Sleep Train Arena are missing a much more intriguing angle. However odd the name might sound, this is a rare instance in which a pro team's sold naming rights could possibly provide some benefit for the community.

  • October 3, 2012
    Exclusive Television Preview: Sean Avery and Ryan Callahan Hate Your Clothes

    The NHL lockout looks likely to go on for some time. Based on this (imaginary) pilot, the exceedingly nasty and fraught fashion critique television show featuring unemployed NHL buds Sean Avery and Ryan Callahan may not last very long at all. But have you ever had an imaginary television show? Like, even one episode of one?

  • September 25, 2012
    The Captains In Summer, Part Two

    The second and final part of our look into what NHL captains are doing without NHL hockey finds some players becoming vampires, others eating cheese with weird hair in it, and a goodly percentage working on recuperating from concussions. The usual offseason stuff, in other words, but with no actual season in the immediate future.

  • September 24, 2012
    The Captains In Summer, Part One

    With the NHL locked out for, let's say, forever, the league's foremost leaders of men will have to find new ways to pass their time. These are probably not those, but considering this question may be the last hockey any of us get for some time.

  • April 30, 2012
    Yakkin' About Hockey: More Sun O))) in the Monitors, Please

    Chris Collision: I come to you, my man, to help me celebrate one of my favorite things, perhaps my favorite time of year, easily my favorite time of the sports year: the first round of the hockey playoffs. Everything that's rad about sports is compressed into this short stretch.