"When I looked back through time, I saw that sportswriters seem to have taken delight in reporting on facial hair in particular for a hundred years. I think it has to do with Homo sapiens’ discomfort with its membership in the animal kingdom."

In 1963, the A's wore new gold and kelly green uniforms, and the sheep in the outfield wore gold and kelly green blankets. The sheep were a popular attraction, though not universally. They baaahed, they pooped, they smelled like sheep.

The Atlantic League of Professional Baseball is very much not the Major Leagues, which was easy enough to notice at the Camden Riversharks' "Costanza Night." But also that's not an insult.

You must show the Eagles cheerleader your team spirit. You can steal warm Pepsi if you dare. You are not as unlike everyone else there as you think. Also: Adam Schefter eating a sandwich.

If things had gone differently, Matt Reinhardt might've heard his name called in the NFL Draft. He found a different calling, instead.

Okay, so look, what about this, the devil says. Maybe let me just erase the NFL completely from your mind. What about college football, you say. The devil thinks about it for a minute. Okay, it has to be all football, all of it gone.

Kevin Durant's supremely emotional MVP speech wasn't just great theater, although it was that, too. It was a step towards sports making more emotional sense.

Towards a concrete, scientific, spreadsheet-based understanding of which NFL teams are the Draftiest. (It's not as complicated as it sounds, and given that the Browns can scientifically be proven to be the Draftiest, you know it's legit.)

Essentially every season up to this one, the first commercials for EA Sports' NCAA Football series made their debut during the NFL draft. There's a number of reasons that won't be happening this year, and it's all just part of being a college football fan. For how much longer remains unclear.

David Roth

 et al.

Violence, apathy, and Billy Hamilton trying to win a stuffed animal for Devin Mesoraco at a carnival. When does the season start?