If every picture tells a story, then the shot chart from Evan Turner's horrible 2013-14 season tells a really seriously sad story. So sad, in fact, that it can apply to failures other than his own. Let's get very sad.

There was grumbling in the Houston Astros clubhouse over struggling bonus baby Mark Appel. There's plenty to complain about in Houston, but it's not necessarily Mark Appel's bullpen session.

It may well be that the Cleveland Indians were named after one of their first great stars. That's only sort of an explanation, and not nearly an excuse, for one of the most unfortunate mascots and team names in professional sports. Slowly but steadily, anything but change seems increasingly insufficient. 

The Oakland Athletics were baseball's best team through the first half of the season, and recently mortgaged their future to get better. If this seems strange, you've probably read Moneyball. It was a good book, but we'd all do well to forget about it in this case.

On July 24, 2004, the Boston Red Sox were still cursed and Barack Obama was an obscure State Senator. Things started changing on that day, and haven't stopped since.

Lang Whitaker

 et al.

Wrestling, like time is a flat circle. A flat, squared circle. It's weird. 

Ann Coulter infamously cast soccer as a tool of the invading hordes that seek to destroy the United States. Decades ago, however, Americans within the sport made many of the same xenophobic arguments to protect a particular style of play.

It's way too easy to take LeBron James' career to date as something bigger than the career arc of a very great basketball player. But look at LeBron James as the main character in a sprawling series of fantasy novels and things look... well, kind of disturbingly not-that-different, actually.

Germany deserved to win the 2014 World Cup. But this was not just a victory for smart soccer and savvy talent development and ultilization, although it was also that. It's also a win for multiculturalism, youth education, the Eurozone economy, and the Spanish olive industry. Let's celebrate.

David Roth

 et al.

Goth Jayson Werth, Chris Berman's linguistic avant-gardeism, the Alan Smithee version of Dune, and the other upsetting things one things about while being traumatized by the Home Run Derby.