In which a great mind, driven mad by ambition, steals Wade Baldwin IV's thumb for science and basketball reasons.

Portland is never going to claim the same metropolitan cachet as New York, Los Angeles, or even Toronto, and that's saved the Trail Blazers from themselves for years. Brunch, however, may change that.

During his tenure with the Bears, the legendarily aloof quarterback was one of the NFL's most distinctively weird and reliably polarizing players. Now that Jay Cutler is gone, one of the strangest eras in recent football history is fading.

The Golden State Warriors are historically great. But they've already made history, and everyone else that cares about the NBA is already richer for it.

The late legend really was one of the best sportswriters we've ever seen. He was also both worse and better than he's remembered for being.

The Mets postgame was on, an interview with a neophyte pitcher after his successful debut. His name: Jose Fernandez. I thought it was too quick for his baptism. The Marlins were being reckless. But all I knew was his name, the praise for his “wipeout slider.”

Washington's veteran first-baseman is off to a brilliant start, and doing a few things differently. Is this a material adjustment, or a metaphysical one?

Nicky Hayden had no right to be second on the first lap and first on the second; he wasn’t a masterful rider in the wet, he was riding a bike designed for his pint-sized teammate, and he was returning from a foot injury that had kept him away for two races prior. But he made a show of it for us anyway, stayed upright and eventually finished second—his best result of the season.

When Alex Ovechkin and his Capitals left the playoffs early, again, the NHL's narrative machine started pumping out some familiar and very tired takes. The stories are what they are, but why keep telling them?

No player more embodies both the truth and the inherent strangeness of the Three True Outcomes more than Baltimore's biggest-swinging galoot.