Why Longboards Suck

Some of them have handheld brakes.
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Image via Skatebrake.com.

Last fall, as I locked my bike up to a post at the corner of Grand Street and Manhattan Avenue one afternoon, I witnessed a scene so perfect it was almost as if I had manifested it. A crust-punky girl was riding a longboard the wrong direction (westbound, on the eastbound side of the street) on Grand Avenue's new bike lane. She was approaching the intersection from the SW corner as a livery cab was making a perfectly legal right hand turn onto Manhattan Avenue from the southeast corner, and he crossed the bike lane slowly, held up perhaps by pedestrians crossing with the light.

She held her ground, and unable to stop herself properly, she hopped off her board and put her hands on the top of the cab's hood. "What are you doing?” she shouted. “This is the bike lane!"

In recent years, two longboard-only shops have opened in theoretically cool New York neighborhoods, the Lower East Side and Williamsburg. Longboards clog the city’s newly minted network of bike lanes with people who hardly know how to push, and who might think they are riding a “skateboard.” Longboards and skateboards rarely compete for real estate—you’ll never see a skatepark or Tompkins Square swarming with longboards—though territory isn’t the issue at the root of the hostility toward longboarders. Unlike their hatred for BMXers, which stems largely from bikers’ ability to seriously injure everyone else at the skatepark, skateboarders’ distaste for longboarders is more purely ideological.

Skateboarders, an intentionally inarticulate bunch, might not be the best to ask why. Blessed with the art-school dropout pretense that taking part in an urban subculture can provide, and saddled with the pot-choked vocabulary of their ancestral homeland, skateboarders are very opinionated but economical with words. Asked how they feel about longboards, they typically resort to simple, timeless insults. Longboarders are kooks. Longboarders are losers. Longboarders suck. Superficial as it may seem, their blunt loathing is the key to understanding why the longboard is an insidious, parasitic vehicle.

To an outsider this might appear to be a classic case of the narcissism of small differences—Freud’s term for the hatred that tends to exist between two distinct groups with more similarities than differences. They exaggerate the minor differences that exist between them to maintain a stronger sense of self. Scotsmen and Englishmen, for instance. Northern Californians and Southern Californians. Skateboarders and longboarders.

There’s some merit in this Freudian take on the feud, too. After all, skateboards and longboards are made of the same stuff—wood, trucks, wheels, bolts, bearings, and sometimes grip tape. But when it comes to the question of what they can do, or rather what they enable their riders to do, the differences between skateboards and longboards start to pile up. A skateboard allows you to take part in nearly half a century of progress; a longboard enables you to roll and powerslide (and this only if you get really good at it, and if you have protective gloves).

The street skateboard has evolved hand-in-hand with street skateboarding, changing as skaters’ abilities and needs changed. As skateboarding in Southern California’s drained pools gained popularity during the drought years of the ’70s, the boards got larger, and eventually ramps were made to replicate the experience. And when Powell’s Bones Brigade ruled the day, the single-kicked fishtail boards, best suited for vert and kicker ramps, dominated the market. And as skateboarding moved to the streets of San Francisco, and Justin Hermann Plaza was the epicenter of increasingly technical street trickery, two-kicked street skateboards became more popular—the rails on the boards gone, the concave and kicks relatively flat, as pressure flips were still considered a real trick. Then, during the mid-to late ’90s, this innovation in skateboarding technology sort of ceased. Now, the kicks are steeper than an early ’90s board, the nose and tail thinner and more similar to one another, and the outside edges of the deck have lost their curve; the skateboard is now better primed for larger sets of stairs, more switch, nollie and fakie tricks, and flip tricks, that actually leave the ground.

Year after year, wrongheaded inventors would try to improve upon the skateboard’s now perfected design. These dreamers came both from within skateboarding and without—the latter group often more extravagantly wrong than the former—and none of them have managed to make a significant, fundamental change to the design of the street skateboard. Innovation in street skateboard design ceased maybe thirty years after the ollie was invented.

The longboard, on the other hand, is deliberately primitive. With its tropical design elements and surfboard-esque shapes, the longboard takes skateboarding back to a past that never quite existed. Though skateboards evolved from surfboards, even in their earliest forms they were never nearly as large—they were tiny compared to what street skaters ride today, and an order of magnitude smaller than longboards—the need to stay afloat not necessary on land. That, and the wheelbase provided by roller-skate trucks was quite narrow. These little things could hand you your ass, if they wanted to. Skateboarding, even in its nascent form, was never free of risk.

And though the longboard was designed with downhill skateboarding in mind (which is incredibly dangerous and requires both balls and talent) they are more frequently found on city streets and on college campuses, in bike lanes and walkways, used as a sort of cowardly and silly compromise between biking and walking. The convenience and ease of use they provide is a major selling point. Not only are they easy to use; they’re incredibly limiting, too.

You can’t even ollie with a longboard. The simplest of tricks, the one that has enabled everything that street skateboarding has become, is by design simply impossible with a longboard. Even those that do have a tail are too massive to reliably take off, and so long that it would take a massive ollie to even guarantee your rear wheels clear the smallest of curbs. They’re the dodo bird of the skateboarding world. Unfortunately, unlike the dodo, they won’t go away.

Perhaps they’re more like the ostrich: not only flightless, but also oversized, stupid and cowardly.

Due to their sheer mass, longboards provide a certain safety bubble for those who ride them, and this is precisely why they are popular. The massive decks, the wide wheelbase, the butter-soft wheels, all these things add up to the sort of luxuriously smooth ride one might reasonably expect from a Cadillac, not a skateboard. Whereas a skateboard will punish you with loose gravel ground into your palm for not ollieing over a crack, a longboard's wobbly-deck suspension will make it seem as though it weren't there. While a skateboard will throw you to the ground for hitting the most minuscule pebble, a candy-colored longboard wheel will absorb the debris, and spit it back out as the wheel turns again.

This safety makes neophytes comfortable taking to the streets immediately after purchasing their first Sector 9, riding what appears to be a skateboard the wrong way in the bike lane, with no idea how to stop moving, and little incentive to learn. (A company called SkateBrake has even invented a handheld brake for longboards—just $109.95!) They'll never be forced to deal with the dangers inherent to skateboarding, because longboards are designed to protect their riders from the concrete by providing them with an unseemly amount of real estate to stand upon. And for this very reason, they proliferate, and bike lanes and college campus walkways become clogged with mongo-pushing, mall-gripping longboarders, almost none of whom know how to stop, and none of whom likely give a shit—they just want to cruise.

And it’s this apparent harmlessness that, counter to logic, makes longboarding a more pernicious threat to skateboarding culture. A popular New York City skateboarding blog recently speculated that, should a longboarder, coaxed onto First Avenue or any other busy street by the false sense of security that longboards provide their users, get killed by a passing vehicle, the City of New York might move to ban skateboarding from the street entirely—missing the distinction between longboards and skateboards, longboarders and skateboarders, with skateboarders getting the raw end of the stick. (The author of the blog refused to comment about this, having deleted the post after a deluge of longboarder hate mail and comments—I’m prepared for the worst.)

Not only are longboards comically outsized, castrated, and flightless versions of skateboards, there is ample reason to believe that they could potentially make skateboarding look even worse in the eyes of the law than it already does. This is the more insidious threat that longboards might pose to skateboarding, and skateboarders: that this subculture could be defined from its lame and fainthearted fringe rather than from within.

Longboarders, like Blue Dog Democrats or guys who sag skinny jeans, do everyone a disservice by refusing to pick a fucking side. In the rare instance that they do pick a side, it’s usually against traffic. As someone who still skateboards more than they sit in front of a desk writing might put it, longboards are fucking lame.


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Comments

quit spouting your hate you ignorant fuck. no one wants to hear your bullshit mainly because you're a cuntbag "reporter" who can't even get his facts straight.

Awesome, now that I have that out of the way I can actually talk. the "longboarding you're talking about is mainly wrongboarding. a wrongboarder is basically the longboard version of a poser. they have no skill and skate mainly for image.

there is also another type of longboarder who is similar to this, a cruiser. cruisers mainly skate for travel which is good in a big city, with a longboard you have free hands unlike on a bike and you have something portable that you can bring in a store, also unlike a bike. there are reasons people longboard in a big city, it's convenient and fun.

now that i have covered the most known forms of longboarders i will go into more detail about progressive and athletic forms of longboarding. the first of which being freeride. freeride involves sliding and some tricks. it is exactly how it sounds, you can throw down whatever slides you want. it is extremely hard and looks very good if mastered.

Downhill longboarding which you have mentioned is still longboarding and it is also very hard to learn and very hard to master. the point i'm trying to make is that you can't group longboarding into one category. if you wanted to get technical you could say that longboarding is just a variation of skateboarding. don't knock it till you try it and don't base your "article" on personal experience and minimal research. I've included videos of some of the different styles below.

Wrongboarding: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HO2pX_6HaI

cruising: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuXqP-b-n1E

freeride: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1CUwDTF9Bw (obligatory "Original sucks" but mike virgin is amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2B409UMnUU

downhill: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=es8zaTJQ-5w#t=68s

notice how everyone is having fun, what's wrong with that?

I read your "article" twice and even went through your Tumblr and i can confidently say you are but a wannabee yellow press reporter.
Take your hateful shit when you've only "researched" one end of the spectrum. I cant tell you did no such thing.
Good job spreading stereotypes and hateful rumors. You accuse me of not being able to ollie a stair set? Fair enough, i am not. I don't get my kicks out of twig flipping.
But i will take you to a mountain road that will make you shit your pants and die as you fly off a cliff.
Hope you are carrying all your shitty reporting with you on your way down.

You have obviously never seen my company's longboard videos. You can do more than cruise. I can do pop shuv its, big spins, 180s and even fakie 360s. Ohh I forgot to mention I can also OLLIE on a longboard. Over 5 longboards stacked up to be accurate. Longboards can do anything.. 6 stairs is my biggest set but not the biggest I plan on doing. I can also power slide up to 50 ft. An by I, I mean me and my team riders. By the way our boards are 42 inches, not an oversized skateboard. It is a superior design.

I forgot to mention:

You give props to Downhill skateboarding but you're hating on longboards. People downhill skate on longboards. So, your argument is flawed. The generalizations make your point weak and you are only preaching to a "perfected board shape" riding choir. Reading your article was a waste of time. But thanks for propagating stereotypes. Keep hating, stop skating. ahhaha, longboarders are a threat to skateboarding, hahaha, wtf are you worried about? Keep skating in fear and with your nose up, sir!

You sound like an ignorant pompous skate rat, having formed your opinions while hyped up on sugar and McDonalds with your elitest popsicle sucking, concussed friends.
You really have no idea what you are talking about.
You sound like one of the dick heads yelling, "do a kickflip!"
I know that this won't convince you, but many skateboarders have many kinds of boards.
A skateboard is still a skateboard even if you can't ollie on it.
Talk about basketball or something you know more about.
Haters are gonna hate, but Willy doesn't even skate. Let's see your nollie 360 brah!

I am going to make this short and simple. Over the past couple of years as longboards have started to blow up into the main-stream, there has been much evolution of both boards and riders. Here is a link to a video that I would say proves your "ostrich" theory wrong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvnxfwVfNxQ&feature=channel_video_title If that isn't enough go ahead and view more videos on that channel. To quote one of your previous comments, "If you can find a picture of the underside of one of those and it's covered in stylized Hawaiian orchids, I guess I'm fucked." I realize this is a video not a photograph, and this board has a bamboo checkered pattern, but I think that the same general proverbial fucking you referred to is in order.

To all vocal defenders of longboards: I don't think the point of the article was to dismiss longboards, but merely to point out that they're highly specialized boards--good for bombing hills and sliding, but that's pretty much it--and that people who insist on doing everything on a longboard (the so-called "longboarders"), at the expense of function and style, are kooks.

That's definitively not it. It was a hate - yellow press article.

Thought I would also toss in this handy bit of info too, I ride longboards and skateboards, and I am not the only person in the world who does that. Many skaters realize the benefits of learning how to do both. A longboard is designed to go faster and steer easier than a street skateboard. Why on earth would I deny myself the advantages of a longboard in terms of getting around. Sure I could ride a bike, but I love the feeling of being on my board, that and I hate the feeling of a seat drilling me in the ass every time I jump on or off a curb (a feeling, I would assume, you take great pleasure in experiencing). I would also like to say that the comparison of street skating to longboarding is the same as comparing the riding of a street bike to riding a BMX. One is designed for the purpose of doing tricks and one is designed to be faster and allow for a better ride on the street. Everyday when you leave your apartment and insert the seat of your fixed gear bike into your ass hole you throw blatant disregard to all of the evolution that has happened over the last few decades that have brought BMX bikes to what they are now. Would you really deny yourself their advantages?

Dear people who seem to have misinterpreted the point of this article.

In my opinion, I believe that Staley was trying to convey the point that Longboarding in the NYC area is a pointless activity that could easily be done with big wheels and a cruiser board.
Within NYC there has been a growing populous of dangerous longboarders such as the stated "crusty punk girl."
Before I moved to NYC I rode many longboards for four years.
It was the shit.
I had no skate spots near me, just giant hills. I would ride down them, pick up my board and walk back up everyday since I got my first sector nine.
By the time I moved to NYC for school, I was the proud owner of 10 boards ranging from a tiny '70s board (my father's old ride) and a giant Hamboard ( http://www.hamboards.com/ ).
After about living in the city for three weeks I quickly realized the foolishness of believing that a Longboard was a viable method of transportation in NYC.
I found that 8 of my 10 boards were too clunky or specific for downhill racing to adapt to the quick turns, sudden taxicab stops and pedestrian slalom.
I'm not saying that all longboarders in NYC or other metropolitan areas are shit, The guys who run those shops are masters of their craft, but it is the rest of the goofy grown children who pose a risk.
Luckily the year I moved to the city Chelsea Piers park was redesigned as a giant concrete transition park, which replaced my lost love of downhill death with pool shreddin knar.
Now I can glide through the streets with ease, powerslide on command, footbrake, wallie curbs and other basics that enable the fastest method of movement from point A to point B.
Something a board with no tail and soft wheels was not able to give me.
When I go back to my home, I put the skateboard up against the wall, grab my LandYachtz, throw on some slide gloves and get into the ritual of go down and walk up.
The popularity of longboarding is a great thing, it provides an outlet for budding skateboarders to learn the basics without the inherent risk, but these fledgling skaters should not take to the streets without properly learning the basics in safe areas.
I have probably missed out on some facts, but that is why a forum exists. I just wanted to add my personal transition from a backwood hill diver to front slashing pool junkie.

Dear Mr Staley

If this is your take on people riding boards, then I don't want to hear your take on actual shitty sports (like badminton or tug-of-war).

Your reasoning is flawed and your temperament is similar to that of the little twats at the local skatepark, with their fat earphones, saggy jeans and puffy Osiris (all sponsored by mom, of course).

What I would like to add to this pile of literary vomit, is that there are different kinds of skateboards. The "longboard" you are referring to, is the typical beach cruiser that most of the downhill world hate and despise. Those boards originated from simulating a surfing experience on the road, and those horrid wheels, little trucks and flexy boards suit that purpose. Its only one board in a plethora of sporting disciplines that you will also hate, being as narrow-minded as you are.

The girl that couldnt footbrake, though, is a sight for sore eyes. Its just a pity that the same could be said of cyclists, mo-peds, go-peds, wiggle boards, squiggle boards, and skateboards. Had that girl ridden a street skateboard, she wouldnt even have come that far. Ans she's still learning - next time she'll zoom past you. I think "Jamal" trying to tre-flip 20 stairs and taking out an old man walking past, is a tad more dangerous than our little sister putting palm on dashboard.

In conclusion, your argument is flawed, childish, bigoted, and short-sighted. Your lack of understanding other human beings is revolting, and I hope you never get laid. Your perspective belongs in the previous millenium, together with feminism, chauvinism, racism, cultural bigotry and general psychosis. Your ability to non-write and argument, renders you incapable of being a blogger. Please start a blog about internet cats. At least there you would be taken seriously.

Now go bubble in the pit of your egotistical, egoistical, 15 year old bullshit. I, together with the rest of the free world, am going offline, grab my downhill board and bomb a hill at 80kp/h.

Yours sincerely

Me

LONG BOARD SHORT DICK

Turn off caps lock you inbred 12 year old.

HAHA U MAD

...

In case you don't read other my comment through (not expecting you to), here is a picture that sums up your ignorance: http://skateslate.com/images/stories/rogerhickey.jpg

We're never going to agree here, but let me point out that a) I did acknowledge that downhill skateboarding requires both balls and talent and b) those are not longboards -- look at how close their feet are!

I assume you're saying I'm ignorant because that Thrasher is from 1981 and -- OH LOOK, longboards! If you can find a picture of the underside of one of those and it's covered in stylized Hawaiian orchids, I guess I'm fucked. My guess is you will not, though. As they're made and marketed now, longboards are faux-historical skateboards, they're comically massive, and the people who ride them suck.

I just don't think you understand what longboarding is.
This is longboarding. What you have described in your article is posing, longboarders hate those people too.

http://youtu.be/Bf_G7NHF8qQ

Reddit hates you.

I disagree with "hurrdurr", in that this article was in no way written intelligently.

<<"A crust-punky girl was riding a longboard the wrong direction...">>

I could start off an article with

"While browsing "theclassical.org," I came across an article by "Willy Staley" that was such a perfect combination of ignorance and obnoxious immaturity, I could barely contain giggles of joy."

but that in no way would support any argument about a large group of people, given that it is only one anecdotal example.

What you are doing is called "generalizing", which is "fallacious." (I can tell by your awkward word usage that you are a fan of Scrabble, or perhaps recently had a vocab quiz in English class)

<<"Longboards clog the city’s newly minted network of bike lanes with people who hardly know how to push, and who might think they are riding a “skateboard.”>>

Longboards are skateboards, and you are again making a ridiculous generalization. A clearer way to get across what you're trying to say here might be "longboards are lame because making skateboarding easier means I don't look as cool."

<<"Skateboarders, an intentionally inarticulate bunch...">>

That^ makes no sense. (I almost typed "yourself included," but thought that would be mean)

<<"Blessed with the art-school dropout pretense that taking part in an urban subculture can provide, and saddled with the pot-choked vocabulary of their ancestral homeland, skateboarders are very opinionated but economical with words.">>

Again, extremely awkward diction.

<<"the longboard is an insidious, parasitic vehicle.">>

Oh really? Now you will tell us how.

<<"There’s some merit in this Freudian take on the feud, too. After all, skateboards and longboards are made of the same stuff—wood, trucks, wheels, bolts, bearings, and sometimes grip tape.">>

Here, you switch to an interesting sidebar that has absolutely nothing to do with "the key to understanding why the longboard is an insidious, parasitic vehicle." If this was the SAT, here may be where the test would ask: "Susan has organizational problems. Do paragraph 5 and 6 belong?"

<<"A skateboard allows you to take part in nearly half a century of progress; a longboard enables you to roll and powerslide (and this only if you get really good at it, and if you have protective gloves).">>

Here, you demonstrate complete ignorance of what can be done on a longboard. Still waiting on the 'parasitic vehicle' explanation.

<<"The street skateboard has evolved hand-in-hand with street skateboarding, changing as skaters’ abilities and needs changed. As skateboarding in Southern California’s drained pools gained popularity during the drought years of the ’70s, the boards got larger, and eventually ramps were made to replicate the experience. And when Powell’s Bones Brigade ruled the day, the single-kicked fishtail boards, best suited for vert and kicker ramps, dominated the market. And as skateboarding moved to the streets of San Francisco, and Justin Hermann Plaza was the epicenter of increasingly technical street trickery, two-kicked street skateboards became more popular—the rails on the boards gone, the concave and kicks relatively flat, as pressure flips were still considered a real trick. Then, during the mid-to late ’90s, this innovation in skateboarding technology sort of ceased. Now, the kicks are steeper than an early ’90s board, the nose and tail thinner and more similar to one another, and the outside edges of the deck have lost their curve; the skateboard is now better primed for larger sets of stairs, more switch, nollie and fakie tricks, and flip tricks, that actually leave the ground.">>

Once again, "Susan has organizational problems..."

Through your passive-aggressive comment about tricks "that actually leave the ground," your immaturity and complete ignorance of what can be done on a longboard are both once again exposed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lmMg2c9Uop4#t=500s

<<"Year after year, wrongheaded inventors would try to improve upon the skateboard’s now perfected design.">>

Try going 40mph on a street deck, then get back to me. Also, skate companies have been experimenting with different constructions constantly, and every year new ones comes out. You are wrong.

<<"The longboard, on the other hand, is deliberately primitive. With its tropical design elements and surfboard-esque shapes, the longboard takes skateboarding back to a past that never quite existed. Though skateboards evolved from surfboards, even in their earliest forms they were never nearly as large—they were tiny compared to what street skaters ride today, and an order of magnitude smaller than longboards—the need to stay afloat not necessary on land. That, and the wheelbase provided by roller-skate trucks was quite narrow. These little things could hand you your ass, if they wanted to. Skateboarding, even in its nascent form, was never free of risk.">>

"The longboard, on the other hand, is deliberately primitive."

Wrong. Go check out the Original Carbon Apex. I hate their company, but that deck is an example of ridiculous engineering.

And again, what is your point?

"Skateboarding, even in its nascent form, was never free of risk."

Longboarding can be as dangerous, if not more so, than skateboarding.

"These little things could hand you your ass, if they wanted to."

...what?

"the longboard takes skateboarding back to a past that never quite existed."

What is your point? Your random paragraphs about the history of boarding have nothing to do with any sort of argument.

<<"You can’t even ollie with a longboard. The simplest of tricks, the one that has enabled everything that street skateboarding has become, is by design simply impossible with a longboard. Even those that do have a tail are too massive to reliably take off, and so long that it would take a massive ollie to even guarantee your rear wheels clear the smallest of curbs. They’re the dodo bird of the skateboarding world. Unfortunately, unlike the dodo, they won’t go away.">>

<<"Due to their sheer mass, longboards provide a certain safety bubble for those who ride them, and this is precisely why they are popular. The massive decks, the wide wheelbase, the butter-soft wheels, all these things add up to the sort of luxuriously smooth ride one might reasonably expect from a Cadillac, not a skateboard. Whereas a skateboard will punish you with loose gravel ground into your palm for not ollieing over a crack, a longboard's wobbly-deck suspension will make it seem as though it weren't there. While a skateboard will throw you to the ground for hitting the most minuscule pebble, a candy-colored longboard wheel will absorb the debris, and spit it back out as the wheel turns again.">>

'You can't do ollies, and they look dumb! And, like, you don't get all fucked up when riding them!'

Here, you bring in the argument of "longboards are dumb because they don't appeal to the machismo of a 12-year-old boy."

"Perhaps they’re more like the ostrich: not only flightless, but also oversized, stupid and cowardly."

Shut the fuck up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlVKGx8lIAE&feature=results_video&playnex...

<<"This safety makes neophytes comfortable taking to the streets immediately after purchasing their first Sector 9, riding what appears to be a skateboard the wrong way in the bike lane, with no idea how to stop moving, and little incentive to learn. (A company called SkateBrake has even invented a handheld brake for longboards—just $109.95!) They'll never be forced to deal with the dangers inherent to skateboarding, because longboards are designed to protect their riders from the concrete by providing them with an unseemly amount of real estate to stand upon. And for this very reason, they proliferate, and bike lanes and college campus walkways become clogged with mongo-pushing, mall-gripping longboarders, almost none of whom know how to stop, and none of whom likely give a shit—they just want to cruise.">>

Similarly, there are many little shits with skateboards who don't know what they're doing. However, they don't define the sport; again, what exactly is your point?

<<" A popular New York City skateboarding blog recently speculated that, should a longboarder, coaxed onto First Avenue or any other busy street by the false sense of security that longboards provide their users, get killed by a passing vehicle, the City of New York might move to ban skateboarding from the street entirely—missing the distinction between longboards and skateboards, longboarders and skateboarders, with skateboarders getting the raw end of the stick.">>

There are loads of skateboards who are dangerously oblivious to basic traffic laws. Again, a fringe of idiots is a problem that every significantly popular sport has.

<<"Not only are longboards comically outsized, castrated, and flightless versions of skateboards">>

Shut the fuck up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jvxWY_oYAEk#t=161s

<<"This is the more insidious threat that longboards might pose to skateboarding, and skateboarders: that this subculture could be defined from its lame and fainthearted fringe rather than from within.">>

Translation: MOOOOM, PEEPULL WONT THINK IMM A BADASSS!

An example of many skateboarders' obsession with image.

<<"As someone who still skateboards more than they sit in front of a desk writing might put it, longboards are fucking lame.">>

No, you are fucking lame. Go pawn your computer, use the money to take some community college writing classes. Maybe then you'll learn how to develop a cohesive argument.

Until then, stop bashing longboarders. YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

So would you say my essay was too LONG for your taste? Maybe I am an asshole, but my argument is more cogent than your edits. Your point about skateboarders being obsessed with image is an interesting one, though.

I'd take that any day over wearing puka shells and sandals though, you know? Have fun with the SATs, you seem stressed.

No i like his edit better than your excuse for an article.

>Puka shells and sandals.
Once again a ham handed way of grouping us into something that only about 5% of the sport is. And those assholes only do it because its trendy. You are the cancer that is killing skateboarding. Shut the fuck up and walk into open traffic. Costanza.jpg.
Also, people like you complain about wearing safety gear. Do this for me; unglue yourself from your dorito crumb encrusted chair, look back, and jump. Tell me if you're still alive, mongoloid.

Someone had to say it!!!! Thank you my friend, good comment.

Although this was written quite intelligently, it is from a very biased standpoint. All cruiser, sector 9 douchebags will eventually stop skating and stop being the mega kooks they are. Hell, even I owned a sector 9 for a while, but I learned to slide on it. From then, every single skater I know, including myself, have been into the faster discipline. Honestly only 10% of longboarders actually do shit like this. And that 10% can fuck themselves. Same goes for skateboarders, 10% are so cal douchebags or New York Douchebags that cruise, or little gromlets that can't skate. Longboarding is Skateboarding, whether you like it or not. Oh, and I own a 44 inch skateboard (Earthwing Hightailer), and it can ollie ;). I also own a techslider and a freeride dh deck. Not all skaters are kooks. Also watch these.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1lA9CABcEU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzUrmKBanaM&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL at 4:04.
last but not least- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oav2_BJ6fAM

im a longboarder myself. i dont live in or near a city, a town with tons of hills. and i have to agree...most longboarders these days are annoying posers. they dont know how to stop and they ride cheap sector 9's and arbor boards you can get at zumies. its fucking annoying. so, im not part of that crowd. i bomb hills with sliding gloves and i dont bother anyone. i have boarded in NYC a few times though. and shit...you really gatta know what your doing. thankgod im good with my surroundings, i can ACTUALLY STOP at speeds, be respectful and yield to others nd ride on the right side of the road. hahah

now. i can say the same about skateboarders. so can anyone else. there are tons of poser skaters which im sure you have seen and dealt with. alot of them that ive seen and dealt with are fucking arrogant assholes and are completely disrespectful to there surroundings.

anyways, check this out..
http://youtu.be/LIzrKkCyTPE

this IS longboarding. all of what is showed in the video "...is incredibly dangerous and requires both balls and talent"

I hate almost everything about longboards, but my favorite reasons are purely practical.

As this article pointed out, long boards are designed for a super specific purpose -- bombing HUGE hills, which as this article also pointed out "is incredibly dangerous and requires both balls and talent."

The long wheelbase and huge, soft wheels provide stability at high speeds that a regular skateboard cannot provide.

True shit -- a longboard used properly is gnarly.

But there's no city I'm aware of that requires a longboard to tackle its hills, famously including super hilly San Francisco.

If you just want to cruise (which is cool with me, I guess, as long as learn how to stop before you clog the streets) a "cruiser" board featuring soft 60mm wheels and dimensions between say 7" x 28" and 10" and 32"is infinitely more practical for any city street. A cruiser is way more nimble than a longboard -- it can make sharp turns, cruise over cracks, and you can tuck it under your bar stool or seat on the bus. Plus, if you find yourself wanting to do more than cruise, you can actually learn to ollie on a cruiser.

There's something really elegant in using the proper tool for the proper job, and a cruiser board is the proper skate tool for all-terrain city travel.

You have no idea what can be done on a longboard. It puts skateboarders to shame.
http://youtu.be/TItnb9qYc0s

LOL. Those are just skateboarding tricks made more difficult because he's using the wrong equipment. Nollie 360 shuv!? Whoa bro!

The point of the comment was to prove your theory of the longboard being "Incredibly" limiting wrong, which it did. You also state that longboards were designed for downhill skating, which you say requires balls, then you state that they are cowardly. You constantly contradict yourself throughout the whole essay. The few facts you do know about longboarding, don't prove your theory at all. Also have you ever seen a skateboarding video, because they sag skinny jeans.

If you honestly think that "puts skateboarders to shame", you need to do some research.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3bMVNvoL7c

That's just one of the tens of thousands of examples to make your statement look ridiculous. Posting up a cargo pants wearing wrongboarder doing ground skimming nollie 3shuvs in a tennis court isn't doing your group any favors.

Longboards are razor scooters for adult sized children

Preach! Eff a longboarder.

longboarders are definitely kooks.

Took me a long time to realize that my snarling contempt for everybody I saw on a skateboard is *exactly* what most drivers feel when they see me on my bike.

Narcissism of small differences indeed!

I do try to tamp down my rage at slow, wobbly nincompoops on skateboards in the bike lane--whether their boards be long or short, they're slow & wobbly & generally a pain in the ass from a bike's perspective--and remember that we're all out there in the streets together, without engines, so we got to stick together.

when you frame a house use a framing hammer
when you make jewelry use a jewelers hammer

when you rip street use a streak deck
when you ride 14st to nyack and return trip 65 miles roll a longboard
When you go buy an air conditioner take a longboard to wheel it home
When you carve big bowls and catch air take a skateboard deck

all tools have merit, none is superior to the other

I am not a skateboarder
I am not a longboarder

I am a person that happens to ride a longboard
I am a person that happens to ride a skateboard

I am a tax payer prepared to share the road as laid out by the law of the land and a citizen that respects others above all else

Do unto others.

ride hard and ride often become proficient with as many tools and languages as you are able, educate yourself and be open to change

limit yourself to your own determent and you shall remain

a small and sad person