Watch The Iron Throne

It's an outsized, mostly fantastical world shot through with feuds, intrigue, power struggles and occasional acts of violence. Also "Game of Thrones" is back on HBO.
Share |

For reasons unknown, Carmelo Anthony recorded an ad for the upcoming season of "Game of Thrones" that places him in the Iron Throne, dispensing platitudes about what it takes to win matched against images from this Sunday’s season premiere. It’s... deeply cheesy, maybe because Melo doesn’t have the dramatic chops to sell the analogy of basketball to internecine warfare without inspiring giggles. What’s more interesting, though, is just how negatively the commercial has been received by the Internet: When last looked, it had racked up 4,916 dislikes to 1,757 likes, a ratio that’s usually reserved for the Rebecca Blacks of the blogosphere. The top comment: "I think the bigger problem is that this commercial has nothing to do with anything LOL"

It's never wise, of course, to read too much into YouTube comments, or even to read them at all. But there's clearly something happening, here. Surely, some of this is just nerd protectionism—indignation at the effrontery of a jock daring to sit in the Iron Throne, as though he could tell you anything about the Targaryen family tree. Some of it, I’d like to think, is because Carmelo wouldn’t be anyone’s first choice for the NBA star most likely to thrive in Westeros, where fate is unforgiving and only the truly motivated survive. Carmelo, who half-assed his exit from Denver and his conflict with Mike D’Antoni, has always given off an air of nonchalance, preferring to let his game do the talking. But you have to do the taking in Westeros if you want to make anything for yourself, which got me started along a deeply goofy line of thought: Which "Game of Thrones" characters are NBA players most like?

Of course, I wasn’t the only dork to explore the same premise—with the “send” button still hot after filing to David, Internet friends (and Classical contributor) Netw3rk and Steve McPherson published their own take for Grantland. They got pretty deep, too, and thankfully went in a different direction on some of the comparisons to spare me the deeper injury of being second. But this is sort of what the Internet is for, in a roundabout way: reading multiple takes on which fictional fantasy character LeBron James would be. Tim Berners-Lee would surely agree, if maybe not on the Adrian Wojnarowski bit. You’ll be pleased to know I stopped right as I was figuring out which direwolf was Kevin Garnett.

*SPOILERS for Seasons 1 & 2 of the TV show, obviously*

Stannis Baratheon = Carmelo Anthony

Renly Baratheon = Jeremy Lin

Ruling New York was Carmelo’s birthright. Unfortunately, the people just seemed to like Jeremy Lin a little more. So Carmelo made the only decision he could: force Lin out in a power struggle, counting that the right of might/immaculate jab steps would bring everyone back to his side. It sort of worked, but only when the Knicks lose a playoff heartbreaker to the Miami Heat will Melo admit the horrible truth: "I murdered my brother." I think this means J.R. Smith is Melisandre, though that’s not a road I’m prepared to go down just yet.

Ned Stark = Derrick Rose

The strong, silent ruler of the frigid North/Midwest who seemed destined to be king before a horrible injury took him out of the game.

Robb Stark = Kevin Durant

The prodigal warrior-king who’s making a stand because someone’s got to do it. Relatively untested in battle, but shockingly successful in the ones he’s fought. His undying faith in those around him remains his only major flaw. Close to his mom.

Theon Greyjoy = Russell Westbrook

Grew up in a steady organization/house but couldn’t shake the fact that he’s essentially a prisoner, considered a permanent second to his more talented adopted brother. Westbrook hasn’t literally betrayed Durant just yet, though there’s no other term for taking 26 shots in Game 2 of last year’s Finals.

Jon Snow = James Harden

Didn’t see a future in Winterfell/Oklahoma City, so he headed for distant lands to distinguish himself. May end up being more important than anyone ever realized. Handsome beard.

Joffrey Baratheon = Dwight Howard

Spoiled children born with different kinds of privilege (Joffrey = royal; Dwight = genetic) who’ve ascended to the throne despite annoying everyone along the way. Joffrey didn’t have to nearly drown Ser Dontos to death with wine, just as Dwight didn’t have to throw his Magic teammates under the bus after leaving Orlando. That they did means you should never, ever underestimate their capacity for cruelty.

Tywin Lannister = Kobe Bryant

Patriarchs of the richest countries in the land, they’re both experienced, bitter warriors who can’t stop thinking about winning the final battle so that their names might ring out through history. They’re also one of the few—if not only—people who can control the tyrant boy-king without too much trouble. I would also not be very surprised to learn that Kobe skinned and cleaned a deer in front of a lesser minion as an intimidation tactic.

Sansa Stark = Steve Nash

Wedded to the tyrant boy-king against their will. Gorgeous hair. Deserves so much more.

Jaime Lannister = Phil Jackson

Probably the G.O.A.T. at their respective professions (swordfighting, coaching), they don’t get as much credit as deserved because of a few unfortunate checks against their reputation: Jamie killed a king, while Jackson always had Jordan or Kobe. There’s also a weird power/sex clash going on with a relative who’s trying to stay in control without realizing how out of her depth she really is: Cersei for Jamie, Jim/Jeannie Buss for Jackson.

Varys = Adrian Wojnarowski

Sees everything, knows everything. Despite all appearances, just wants to protect the realm.

Robert Baratheon = David Stern

Once loved rulers who seized the throne through sheer will, they’ve since lapsed into ineffectual power-mongering while trying to deny that none of their subjects trust or fear them anymore. Will soon step down/get boar-gored, bitch.

Loras Tyrell = Ricky Rubio

Margaery Tyrell = Kevin Love

Siblings/teammates whose allegiance is cherished by all of the factions of the NBA/Westeros. Just as Margaery offered herself to the Lannisters after deciding it was her best option to stay relevant, Love will probably sign with the Lakers in a few years. Meanwhile, Rubio/Loras is the prettiest point/knight the realm has ever known. Don’t you just want to muss up their hair and giggle for days?

Littlefinger = Chris Paul

So much more of an asshole than you could ever imagine. Plays all of the angles, and is seemingly never at a loss for words or actions. Excited to breathe new life into a gaudy, barren castle plagued by historically bad luck (Harrenhal, the Clippers franchise).

Daenerys Targaryen = LeBron James

The fiery, slightly bratty, generationally unique ruler-to-be whose coming was long prophesied. They’re beginning to tap into their fearsome potential, and everyone should be terrified. That makes Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and, uh, Shane Battier the dragons that Bron and Dany use to extract their vengeance. (Please, no jokes about how Chris Bosh looks like a dragon.) Pat Riley is Jorah Mormont, the salty dog who’s trying to pull off one last score to reclaim his name, tarnished by smuggling/the ‘90s. Dan Gilbert is Viserys Targaryen, and the Comic Sans letter was definitely his golden crown. Isiah Thomas is Xaro Xhoan Daxos, the aristocrat who promised the world but turned out to be full of shit. He learned what all men should learn: that the blood of the dragon burns hotter than anything else on the planet. All hail LeBron Targaryen, first of his order.

Illustration by Morgan Ramberg.


Share |

Comments

I like this post,And I figure that they having a great time to peruse this post,they might take a decent site to make an information,thanks for sharing it to me. voyance pure

This article gives the light in which we can watch the truth. This is extremely pleasant one and gives indepth data. A debt of gratitude is in order for this pleasant article. cracker barrel employees log in

Eminently composed article, if just all bloggers offered the same substance as you, the web would be a far superior spot.. nordstrom employee benefits

counting sensible remarks here... 그래프게임

This is exceptionally instructive substance and composed well for a change. It's pleasant to see that a few individuals still see how to compose a quality post! voyance en ligne

I just couldn't leave your site before letting you know that I really delighted in the top quality data you present to your guests? Will be back again often to determine the status of new posts. 남성수술

Leedon Green is a new condominium by property developers MCL Land and Yanlord. Situated at District 10 of Singapore, it is walking distance to 2 train stations : Holland Village Station & Farrer Park Station. Within 1km of reputable primary schools: Nan Yang Primary School & Raffles Girls Primary School, Leedon Green condominium will surely attract many aspiring parents. 650 units ranging from 1 to 4 bedroom with full condominium facilities. Most importantly, it is freehold status. Leedon Green is set to preview in October 2019. Leedon Green

A debt of gratitude is in order for the post and incredible tips..even I likewise feel that diligent work is the most critical part of getting achievement.. Cara Dapat Jackpot Sbypoker Online

A debt of gratitude is in order for the online journal stacked with such a variety of data. Ceasing by your online journal assisted me with getting what I was searching for. locksmith Lehi

I and also my friends were actually viewing the excellent secrets and techniques on your web blog and so before long I got a terrible feeling I had not expressed respect to the blog owner for those tips. Most of the people happened to be as a consequence thrilled to study all of them and have in effect in truth been taking pleasure in these things. Thanks for genuinely really helpful and also for having such useful subject matter millions of individuals are really wanting to discover. My honest apologies for not expressing appreciation to sooner. 借錢

This is an awesome motivating article.I am practically satisfied with your great work.You put truly exceptionally supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post. Situs Judi Casino

Its an incredible joy perusing your post.Its loaded with data I am searching for and I want to post a remark that "The substance of your post is amazing" Great work. voyance gratuite en direct

I truly like you're composing style, incredible data, thankyou for posting. adu los angeles

Much thanks to you such a great amount for sharing this incredible blog.Very motivating and accommodating too.Hope you keep on sharing a greater amount of your ideas.I will love to peruse. Stiiizy

You are very brave focuses in this article. I would have never thought to be any of these on the off chance that I didn't go over this. Much obliged!. 먹튀 폴리스

New site is solid. A debt of gratitude is in order for the immense exertion. warehouse resin flooring

Thankyou for this wondrous post, I am happy I watched this site on yippee. steroids for sale

Your music is astounding. You have some extremely capable specialists. I wish you the best of accomplishment. CBD Gummies

Wow i can say this is another extraordinary article not surprisingly of this blog.Bookmarked this webpage.. Child Sponsorship Australia

Pleasant to be going to your site once more, it has been months for me. Well this article i've been sat tight for so long. I require this article to finish my task in the school, and it has same point with your article. Much obliged, extraordinary offer. 야마토사이트

Much obliged to you again for all the information you distribute,Good post. I was exceptionally keen on the article, it's entirely rousing I ought to concede. I like going to you site since I generally run over fascinating articles like this one.Great Job, I incredibly acknowledge that.Do Keep sharing! Respects, Corporate Social Responsibility

Howdy! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the outstanding work! 먹튀 폴리스 

I am upbeat to discover this post exceptionally helpful for me, as it contains part of data. I generally want to peruse the quality substance and this thing I found in you post. A debt of gratitude is in order for sharing. Olife Evergreen

This article gives the light in which we can watch the truth. This is exceptionally decent one and gives indepth data. A debt of gratitude is in order for this decent article. techarim.com

Hey what a splendid post I have run over and trust me I have been hunting out down this comparative sort of post for recent week and barely ran over this. Much thanks and will search for more postings from you. check this link right here now

I have perused a couple of the articles on your site now, and I truly like your style of blogging. I added it to my top picks web journal webpage list and will be inquiring soon. It would be ideal if you look at my site too and let me comprehend what you think. Beverly Hills soft story retrofit

Many of the Koreans are enjoying Sportstototo(스포츠토토) betting. The best sites among the many Totosites(토토사이트) are called major sites.The sites that provide information on popular sports games are called Toto sites  스포츠토토(sportstoto)

Somebody essentially assist to make severely posts I’d state. This is the very first time I frequented your web page and so far? I surprised with the research you made to create this particular post amazing. Excellent activity! 먹튀폴리스 

Extraordinary things you've generally imparted to us. Simply continue written work this sort of posts.The time which was squandered in going for educational cost now it can be utilized for studies.Thanks here

A debt of gratitude is in order for your data, it was truly extremely helpfull.. locksmith Salt Lake City Utah

I acknowledge all that you have added as far as anyone is concerned base.Admiring the time and exertion you put into your online journal and point by point data you offer.Thanks. 먹튀검증

It is an incredible site.. The Design looks great.. Continue working like that!. https://kinja.com/dk-newz/posts

Extremely fascinating online journal. Alot of websites I see nowadays don't generally give anything that I'm keen on, yet I'm most definately intrigued by this one. Recently believed that I would post and let you know. https://www.rinkratron.com/

I needed to thank you for this fabulous read!! I certainly cherished each and every piece of it. I have you bookmarked your site to look at the new stuff you pos http://www.banyuleandnillumbikweekly.com.au/

I think this is an instructive post and it is extremely helpful and learned. thusly, I might want to thank you for the endeavors you have made in composing this article. https://www.idigitaltrends.com/

I think this is an instructive post and it is extremely helpful and learned. thusly, I might want to thank you for the endeavors you have made in composing this article. https://www.idigitaltrends.com/

I imagine that a debt of gratitude is in order for the valuabe data and bits of knowledge you have so given here. https://hillcountrybreakingnews.com/

i am surprisingly here. I discovered this board and I in discovering It really accommodating and it helped me out a great deal. I would like to present something back and help other people, for example, you helped me. The Hack Post

I might want to thank you for the endeavors you have made in composing this article. I am trusting the same best work from you later on also. Much obliged... شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالخبر

I might want to thank you for the endeavors you have made in composing this article. I am trusting the same best work from you later on also. Much appreciated... https://gulvlageret.splashthat.com/

Much thanks to you a cluster for offering this to every one of us you really acknowledge what you are discussing! Bookmarked. It would be ideal if you additionally look for exhortation from my site =). We could have a hyperlink change contract between us! helios7

Simply respecting your work and considering how you dealt with this web journal so well. It's remarkable to the point that I can't stand to not experience this important data at whatever point I surf the web! cassia bark

808 Pictures. Professional Maui photographers specializing in family portrait photography, wedding photography, engagement photography, couples photography, maternity photography, fashion photography. Award-winning photographers on Maui with the highest in five-star Google reviews and the best prices for photography packages in Hawaii. Maui photographers

I might want to thank you for the endeavors you have made in composing this article. I am trusting the same best work from you later on also. Much appreciated... www.saham.news

This article was composed by a genuine speculation essayist. I concur a hefty portion of the with the strong focuses made by the essayist. I'll be back. locksmith Bellevue

Much appreciated such a great amount for this data. I need to tell you I agree on a few of the focuses you make here and others might require some further survey, however I can see your perspective. Thank You

This substance is composed exceptionally well. Your utilization of arranging while mentioning your focuses makes your objective facts clear and straightforward. Much obliged to you. Thankyou

I just couldn't leave your site before letting you know that I genuinely delighted in the top quality data you present to your guests? Will be back again often to determine the status of new posts. car accident

Hi. I discovered your online journal utilizing msn. This is a greatly elegantly composed article. I will make sure to bookmark it and come back to peruse a greater amount of your valuable data. A debt of gratitude is in order for the post. I'll positively rebound. Best Forex Robots

Very effectively written information. Will probably be invaluable to anyone who usess it, including myself. Keep up the good work – for positive i’ll check out extra posts. difference between c and c++