The Angriest Todd in the World

On A Particular American Way of Failure
Share |

I fantasized about firing Todd Haley, even before the Chiefs got 2 close 2 my fantasy last week. I am not alone in this, although I don’t have the excuse of being a Kansas City Chiefs fan. I don’t think I saw more than three games worth of Haley’s coaching during his three seasons in charge at Arrowhead, but that didn’t prevent me from being captivated by what a tool he seemed to be. In fact, those brief glimpses of Haley cultivated a medium-strong contempt for Todd Haley, a rewarding, self-propelled, amusing kind of hate.

Part of my animosity can be written off as cultural bias: Todd Haley has the misfortune of looking like a huge asshole. Fleece vests, intermittent shitty beard, jocko-dickwad sunglasses, things dangling on a lanyard, golf visors (the worst), even right down to being named Todd—a first name that’s been repurposed as a common noun meaning “alpha douche.” I hate dudes like Todd Haley, and that reflects poorly on me. Such bigotry isn’t fair to the specific dude named Todd Haley, who is statistically speaking probably a loving father/husband/non-felon/proud alumnus of the University of North Florida.

But another part of it, a bigger part of it, is more rational: Todd Haley also has the misfortune of actinglike a huge asshole. While dressed in fleece vest, shitty beard, golf visors (the worst), right on down the line, which amplifies everything. His sideline demeanor as a coach was like a composite sketch of the worst possible Little League dad. If he wasn’t screaming at Matt Cassel, he was berating his coaching staff. If he wasn’t screaming at his players or coaches, he was screaming at the refs. Or scolding opposing coaches. Often times he screamed at multiple groups at once. Nearly every time I saw Todd Haley, he was screaming at someone (usually an employee) from like two feet away, in public, while wearing a NFL-licensed-apparel golf visor (cultural biases are really hard to kill entirely) (to be fair he’s not even wearing a golf visor in almost all of those videos).

So, to conclude, Todd Haley looks like a mean yuppie dad on a sherm high. Also, people who constantly scream negative things run the risk of alienating bystanders. But I actually have a point here, apart from Todd Haley’s incipient meme-dom, smothered in its crib so cruelly. A Chiefs fan with less prejudices than myself might have appreciated Haley for what he’d accomplished with Scott Pioli’s help, at least before 2011’s annus horribilis. Was Todd Haley a good coach? I have no idea. Do you know?

What is the point of firing someone less than a season after they led a team to a division title and a playoff appearance? It only speaks to Todd Haley’s bizarre reverse-charisma that we’re not even talking about Tony Sparano, who was basically a Dennis Farina impersonator who wore sunglasses at all times and got pretty brutally sold out by the Dolphins during Jim Harbaugh NFL’s debutante season, and like Haley, got s-canned last Monday (harder to say that Sparano didn’t get a fair hearing, but his wasn’t the fairest hearing ever).

Kelefa Sanneh’s recent (excellent) profile of Jon Gruden, coach in exile, is worth reading, mostly for Sanneh’s subtly touching portrait of the manic Gruden, who wakes up at 3:17 a.m. to memorize the packages and personnel of Haley’s Chiefs, about to be ritually executed by the Patriots on MNF.  But Sanneh also nails an idea about football and executive leadership:

To see football from a coach’s perspective is to see almost nothing but failure: a grim parade of misaligned bodies, incorrect decisions, missed signals, and bad ideas, occasionally interrupted by a heads-up play or a feat of physical genius. Football is entertainment, but the players dissected on Gruden’s screens seem less like performers in the spotlight than workers under surveillance.

On different surveillance screens, it's easy enough for fans to notice that a team sucks; it's much harder to parse out why Sam Bradford's 2011 is so much worse than his 2010, or to see the defensive adjustments that turned the wildcat offense from football liberation theology back into a risky gimmick (I'm still waiting for the A-11 to reach the NFL). It's a cliche to say "Football is complicated!"; though it sure is.

What's confusing is why some NFL franchises have started making like Robespierre with head coaches. Todd Haley went 19–26 in his 2.8 seasons in KC In comparison: David Shula went 19–53 in 4+ years before Mike Brown decided enough was enough. Football is not nuclear war, contra Don DeLillo, but fielding a winning team is complicated. You’d think that NFL franchise owners, who are all incomprehensibly rich, would understand what can happen when you constantly replace managers.

The NFL has yet to evolve quants, although I’m sure we can look forward to a trend piece on that topic in a few years. Football coaching, for all the Mikes Leach and Martz of the world, is mostly just about winning.  Green Bay’s Mike McCarthy has as much swag as a wet-dry vac, but he knows well enough to grab the back of Aaron Rodger’s belt and hold on. Kim Jong-Bill Belichick has subsumed himself Daniel Day-Lewis-style in the role of “hermit dictator,” but his act is just a fanciful elaboration on the gospel of macho bullshit, a faith in which football coaches are high priests.

American audiences—be they fans, stockholders, or moviegoers—have a soft sport for Mametian executive-kabuki bullshit. In the otherwise muddled Margin Call, Jeremy Irons is beyond great playing a sort of mashup of Dick Fuld and Hank Scorpio, a perfect evocation of the vapid, domineering XY leadership pap that football coaches excel at. Irons looks like a Midtown version of Todd Haley—fleece vest upgraded for $4,000 suit, golf visor swapped for Patrick Bates haircut. Haley had the macho bullshit part down; he just had bad luck with the football part.


Share |

Comments

It's a great pleasure reading your post.It's full of information I am looking for and I love to post a comment that "The content of your post is awesome" Great work! upvc window machinery

A good blog always comes-up with new and exciting information and while reading I have feel that this blog is really have all those quality that qualify a blog to be a one. geico renters insurance

First You got a great blog .I will be interested in more similar topics. i see you got really very useful topics. geico auto insurance

Quality articles is the important to attract the people to pay a visit the website, that�s what this web site is providing.
cctv leeds

A good blog always comes-up with new and exciting information and while reading I have feel that this blog is really have all those quality that qualify a blog to be a one.
Join Tomsk state University

Bueroversorgung und Betriebsversorgung It's a great pleasure reading your post.It's full of information I am looking for and I love to post a comment that "The content of your post is awesome" Great work! Bueromaterial für Unternehmen

Once I thought about things like: why such information is for free here? Because when you write a book then at least on selling a book you get a percentage. Thank you and good luck on informing people more about it…
Beachwear

A very awesome blog post. We are really grateful for your blog post. You will find a lot of approaches after visiting your post. I was exactly searching for. Thanks for such post and please keep it up. Great work. aluminium machine

I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful. upvc window machinery

Shop Fittings | Schmerzen nach Wurzelbehandlung A simple bookmarking tool that makes it easy to save, organize and share your favorite web pages. Access your bookmarks from any computer, phone or tablet. Listango works on all modern web browsers… Mediterranean palace | Rattan Cube Set

Once I thought about things like: why such information is for free here? Because when you write a book then at least on selling a book you get a percentage. Thank you and good luck on informing people more about it…
school flooring manchester

Tampa recording studio | apartments for rent Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon. Binary Options Trading Strategies | Pellets

Easily, the article is actually the best topic on this registry related issue. I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your next updates.
mini creditos rapidos online

Lots of thanks for this post.I think it is a very good post. It helps us many away. So many many thanks for this article.
creditos rapidos

Hello! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
buenos aires restaurant maidstone

roller blinds Great tips and very easy to understand. This will definitely slo tannlege be very useful for me when I get a chance to start my blog. clash of clans online hack

I am happy to find this post very useful for me, as it contains lot of information. I always prefer to read the quality content and this thing I found in you post. Thanks for sharing.
exclusive beats for sale

Nice information, valuable and excellent design, as share good stuff with good ideas and concepts, lots of great information and inspiration, both of which I need, thanks to offer such a helpful information here.
PCB

buy marijuana seeds I want you to thank for your time of this wonderful read!!! I definately enjoy every little bit of it and nirvana seeds I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff of your blog a must read blog!!!! dhow cruise Dubai marina

dhow cruise Dubai marina Nice information, valuable and excellent design, as share good stuff with good ideas and concepts, selling music online lots of great information and inspiration, both of which I need, thanks to offer such a helpful information here. How To Sell My Music Online

A simple bookmarking tool that makes it easy to save, organize and share your favorite web pages. Access your bookmarks from any computer, phone or tablet. Listango works on all modern web browsers…
mini games

I discovered your site ideal for me. It consists of wonderful and useful posts. I've read many of them and also got so much from them. In my experience, you do the truly amazing.Trulyi'm impressed out of this publish.
mini games

boucle d oreille I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. Insurance Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful. Our site

Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained!
Innovative Solutons

It is perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few interesting things or tips. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I want to read more things about it!
movie tube

Nice information, valuable and excellent design, as share good stuff with good ideas and concepts, lots of great information and inspiration, both of which I need, thanks to offer such a helpful information here.
www.rebelmouse.com

Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work!
prepagos bogota

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog, I will keep visiting this blog very often.
BA Nights

This is a sensational article, my friend. The way you've illustrated the information here is just fantastic. It has got to be one of the best informative articles that I've read. Thank you very much for publishing this.
dien dan rao vat

I thought it was going to be some boring old post, but it really compensated for my time. I will post a link to this page on my blog. I am sure my visitors will locate that extremely useful...
altre info

nas storage di rete A simple bookmarking tool that makes it easy to save, organize and share your favorite web pages. light bulbs Access your bookmarks from any computer, phone or tablet. Listango works on all modern web browsers… Fotocamere digitali

Truly, this article is really one of the very best in the history of articles. I am a antique ’Article’ collector and I sometimes read some new articles if I find them interesting. And I found this one pretty fascinating and it should go into my collection. Very good work!
check over here

Bulk SMS I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to start my own BlogEngine blog now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings rapidly. Your write up is a fine example of it. cheapest bulk sms provider

We are really grateful for your blog post. You will find a lot of approaches after visiting your post. Great work.
probate clearance Kent

I just got to this amazing site not long ago. I was actually captured with the piece of resources you have got here. Big thumbs up for making such wonderful blog page!
Pond clearance Kent

Very interesting to read, I would like to thank you for the efforts you had made for writing this awesome article.
Sturdee Road SL Capital Condo

Thanks for Nice and Informative Post. This article is really contains lot more information about This Topic.
online tourism marketing

Sturdee Road Condo I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful. soccer predictions

A good blog always comes-up with new and exciting information and while reading I have feel that this blog is really have all those quality that qualify a blog to be a one.I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wishing you the best of luck for all your blogging efforts.
mobilreparation i Stockholm

Concierge Doctor Coral Gables Fl Nice information, valuable and excellent design, as share good stuff with good ideas and concepts, buy linkedin shares lots of great information and inspiration, both of which I need, thanks to offer such a helpful information here. tourism online marketing

super bowl 2016 I am very happy to read this article .. thanks for giving us go through info.Fantastic nice. I appreciate this post. rose bowl game

ufc 194 A very awesome blog post. We are really grateful for your blog post. college football championship game You will find a lot of approaches after visiting your post. I was exactly searching for. Thanks for such post and please keep it up. Great work. rose bowl 2016 live stream

dilwale movie songs I thought it was going to be some boring old post, but it really compensated for my time. I will post a link to this page on my blog. I am sure my visitors will locate that extremely useful... rose bowl

ufc 200 I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. college football championship live stream Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful. rose bowl 2016

I thought it was going to be some boring old post, but it really compensated for my time. I will post a link to this page on my blog. I am sure my visitors will locate that extremely useful...
alliance diamant

Your blog provided us with valuable information to work with. every tips of your post are awesome. Thanks a lot for sharing. Keep blogging...
romani in londra

A very awesome blog post. We are really grateful for your blog post. You will find a lot of approaches after visiting your post. I was exactly searching for. Thanks for such post and please keep it up. Great work. australian euro jackpot lottery option

I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful. free poker machines

I am happy to find this post very useful for me, as it contains lot of information. I always prefer to read the quality content and this thing I found in you post. Thanks for sharing. estudio gokiburi

I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful. modniy-magazin.ru