Johnny Get Your Hancock

Johnny Manziel is in trouble for taking money for autographs. The solution to this controversy is simple: sign more autographs for money.
Share |

I hold this truth to be self evident: if a second party offers you cash for nothing more than your personal signature, you have the unalienable right to sell that chicken-scratch for whatever the free market will bear.

Johnny, it’s time. Time for your boy Nate Fitch to work his phone and dial up a cannonball splash of a press conference. To hell with ESPN, to hell with CNN, to hell with Fox, go out and blast this game-changing statement on QVC. No mixed bouquet of microphones – grab your Sharpie and stand Heisman proud in front of great glass shelves of helmets, hats, and jerseys, bring along the Hooters girls and stack piles of paraphernalia from every university, pro franchise, and barbecue joint in Texas.

Show, don’t tell. Sign.

Sign every randomly proffered Horned Frogs lid, every Cotton Bowl pennant, every tee-shirt from Smokey’s and Mavericks and Stubbs. Sign until the pad of your thumb cramps and a permanent ink divot digs deep into your middle finger, sign until your entire wrist feels like it’s going to detach, melt down, burst into flames. Call it weakness leaving your body or no pain no gain or whatever cliché keeps you in motion, but sign, sign, sign. Sign. Operators are standing by. Se habla Español.

Johnny, sell every last autographed scrap because some stern-faced columnists are very upset and TV types are getting paid hundreds of dollars an hour to install their “Ma’am-I’m-afraid-we-have-some-terrible-news” faces, biting their made-up lips and slowly shaking shellacked heads as they lay out the serious allegations facing Johnny Manziel. Those faces: the drug bust face, the sexual assault face, the untimely death face, they’re making that exact same face because maybe – just maybe – you dared take ownership of your own name.

Johnny, those anchors and experts are breathing through their teeth, and with each pained inhalation they cite the damning evidence provided by some hustler who gets paid seven bucks a pop to confirm your hand-written signatures are in fact your hand-written signatures. What a country, Johnny, this country where not one of those anchors and experts has the heart to leap off their padded seat and holler: WHY CAN’T THE KID SIGNING THE SHIT MAKE A FRIGGIN’ CENT!!!

Johnny, you can be the one. The one who makes a difference, the kind of difference that may outlast everything you ever do inside the lines. You can lead the way great leaders do: by following a calling you never thought would be yours, by taking a stand you never anticipated, by finding yourself on the right side of history rather than chasing a longstanding agenda or a cynical plan. Or maybe don’t think of it that way. Maybe think of it as: fuck ‘em.

***

Don’t skulk, don’t hide, don’t rely on backroom deals and middlemen. Stand smiling firm and sell every damn autograph you can. Stand firm and force the NCAA pay a $500 p/hr suit to pace before a judge or arbitrator, force them to make a clear legal argument that the right to sell your signature extends to every man, woman, and child in the free world – or everyone except you and your immediate family.

And Johnny, while those scolds clock hour after hour deciding your fate, you can load up all those helmets, hats, and Stubbs tee-shirts, you can just set up shop right outside the damn hearing. Maybe don’t bring the great glass shelves this time – those will be heavy and breakable and you don’t need the excess overhead. Regular folding tables will do, you stand in front of those tables with your QVC cameras rolling and your operators standing by, and then you go on and sign and sell every damn thing in arm’s reach.

Then, when the lawyers come out and hand over the written decision, go run off reams of copies and sign those too.

They’ll suspend you, of course. So? How do you slip a bullrushing lineman? Let that fat bastard’s momentum take him where you used to be. They can’t suspend you if you’re already gone. And what can they physically bar you from? Another season in College Station only promises the hollowed-out, bitter alienation of knowing that every set you lift, every sprint you run, every hit you take, every droplet of sweat is cash in someone else’s pocket. Washingtons, Lincolns, and Jacksons, fat stacks of founding fathers changing hands, while the overlords (fat sacks in their own right) huff smug and make sure you know they own your ass.

Stuff the suspension and show up to the next day’s practice. Make Coach Sumlin call in state troopers to physically escort you off the field. Offer to sign the troopers’ hats. Have your boy Fitch on hand with his camera, have all those QVC operators standing by, then autograph the hell out pictures of you getting booted off the A&M field. Sell, sell, sell.

With the money you stand to make just by being Johnny Manziel, you can pay Vinny Testaverde and Chris Herren to split overnights on your pull-out sofa. Footwork first thing in the morning, motivational speeches after breakfast. No matter how you spend the next 18 months you’re never going to grow another four inches, so whether you work out with personal coaches or strap it on in the SEC, the same critical questions will hang over your 5-11 head come draft day.

Yes, of course, 18 months is a lifetime for a young guy with a potentially limitless income and no set responsibilities, so consider doing what millions of late adolescents do to avoid a permanent weekend: keep showing up to class. Mix it up – take a few courses that are practical, a few that are challenging, and then a few just for kicks. Get decent grades and then sign copies of your report card. Keep those operators standing by.

Johnny, do it for Eric Crouch and Ken Simonton, do it for Ian Johnson and Vai Taua, do it for all the athletes who happened to play the very biggest of their big money games on an NCAA stage. Do it to double the earning span of all those NFL players who won’t last beyond the proverbial 3.2 years.

Do it for Ed O’Bannon’s bum knees and his long overdue lawsuit. Do it because the greedheads in the NCAA wouldn’t think twice about kicking the most exciting player out of the game to preserve their source of free labor.

Do it to end your love/hate relationship with Twitter. Sign, sign, sign, and Tweeting will no longer be the sole medium where you have personal control of your voice. Sign, sign, sign and Twitter will just be one more tool for reaching potential customers.

Do it because you know damn well no one should prohibit you from profiting off your name and likeness. Do it because reclaiming your signature will be as freeing as breaking containment and seeing a field of wide open green.

Johnny, this is your chance to go down among the legends. Trust me – I’m not making shit by saying this. Matter of fact, not only do I not want to make money off you, Fitch can go ahead and put me down for a Horned Frogs hat, the full array of state trooper action shots, and if you keep at least a 3.0, a baker’s dozen of the autographed report cards. No need to spell my last name right or add any personal message – just sign everything Johnny Fucking Football. I’ll take it. It will be a bargain, for both of us.


Share |

Comments

In fact no matter if someone doesn’t know then its up to other people that they will assist, so here it happens.
personalised umbrella gift

Hello, this weekend is good for me, since this time i am reading this enormous informative article here at my home. دانلود فیلم نهنگ عنبر

I enjoyed reading your post and found it to be informative and to the topic. Thank you for not rambling on and on just to fill the page. Thanks.. co to jest pozycjonowanie stron wikipedia

itube
wow, great, I was wondering how to cure acne naturally. and found your site by google, learned a lot, now i’m a bit clear. I’ve bookmark your site and also add rss. keep us updated.

I enjoyed reading your post and found it to be informative and to the topic. Thank you for not rambling on and on just to fill the page. Thanks.. data recovery software

breast pumps Very efficiently written information. It will be beneficial to anybody who utilizes it, including me. Keep up the good work. For sure i will check out more posts. This site seems to get a good amount of visitors.

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

This is an extraordinary rousing article.I am basically satisfied with your great work.You put truly extremely supportive data. Keep it up. Continue blogging. Hoping to perusing your next post.Therapists Chicago

voyance sérieuse par telephone Meet the future with the voyance horoscope. Thanks to the astrology, you can discover what will happens in the next weeks and months. And if you are looking for a voyance sérieuse par telephone, the 0892 22 20 22 is waiting for your call, and permits you to discuss with a true fortune-teller which have things to tell you.

Emploi masseuse naturiste paris Tu aimes te balader et ètre mobile sans ètre coincée dans un lieu voici le job masseuse naturiste paris pour toi, facile sympa relax emploi masseuse naturiste paris job masseuse tantra paris.Paris emploi facile pour personne honnète responsible emploi masseuse naturiste paris Tu choisis les lieux de mission contrat indépendent paris emploi Aprends le massage pour le reste de la vie paris emploi masseuse naturiste Job paris mobile sympa relax RDV aller sur job masseuse tantra paris.

I know this website gives quality based posts and other material, is there any other website which presents these data in quality?
embutido ahumado

In case you are using a type of fastener for holding the yard, check them from time to time to ensure that they are still tight. male edge extender amazon

Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you are a great author. I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back very soon. I want to encourage you to definitely continue your great job, have a nice weekend.
Accountant Tax Return

It is the happiest day of my life so far, when I am watching these} funny movies here, because after whole day working I was so tired and now feeling sound. Free Recharge Tricks

Effectively, this specific acquired us contemplating any alternative exercises are generally beneficial to those people individuals whom come across our self while travelling as well as get minimal tools possibilities. www.drkanisha.com/shop

Easily, the article is actually the best topic on this registry related issue. I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your next updates. gold coast

Custom 49ers Jersey Custom 49ers Jersey today with stitched own name and number! Our Customized San Francisco 49ers Football Jersey Cheap Available for Free Shipping Delivery. We Have Custom Made Mens,Womens and Youth 49ers Jersey Shirt Featuring Nike Red Team Color, Away White and Alternate Black Styles. Support Team Today By Order Personalized 49ers Jersey!

Escort girls Brothelmate offers the ultimate solution to all clients interested in sex as well as sex advertisers around the world; and by doing so, we are making your search quick and easy. It doesn’t matter what sexual orientation you are of or look for, Brothelmate sextourism will help you fulfil your sexual dreams. Whether you’re a businessman, tourist, or visitor, we believe with our continuously extending database of sex advertisers you will find what you’re looking for. ALL FOR FREE, REAL LIFE REAL SEX

happy wheels
Mmm.. good to be here in your article or post, whatever, I think I should also work hard for my own website like I see some good and updated working in your site.

Video Bokep Download dan Streaming Video Bokep SEX Ngentot Mesum Indo Terbaru, video memek, video ngentot cewek abg sma bokep smp dan skandal video bokep mahasiswi.

live porn Welcome to LivePornBabes.com one of the largest live porn cams and free adult chat rooms with hot nude cam girls and vip live porn shows on the internet where users worldwide can enjoy in real time to watch live free porn webcams videos or spy free any adult sex chat room having some cybersex fun !

I think you made some good points in Features also. Keep working, great job! residential construction loans

Register your limited company in the United Kingdom. Virtual office, business address and phone answering in one day. Start selling your products with Hanza

company registration

I was very impressed by this post, this site has always been pleasant news Thank you very much for such an interesting post, and I meet them more often then I visited this sitedefamation attorney tampa

i have enjoyed this great information so much. This was really very interesting and helpful to read. I cant wait to read more from this site. read print

Sex Toy 09426671525 Sex Toy, Online Buy Sex Toy, Sex Toy Shop, Sex Toy Store, FleshLight Vagina, Pink Pussy, Dildo Vibrator, Artficial, Rabbit Vibrator, StrapOn Belt,

adult toys USA The Adult Co offers a great range of popular adult toys, lingerie and adult DVDs. Shop online for the best prices.

Welcome to JKE security, a leader in home and office security. We install CCTV, fire alarms and Intruder alarms in Derby.

CCTV Derby

Spruce limited have been offering their office out fit services around Surrey and London for over 15 years. Offering a comprehensive office refurbishment and out fit service. office refurbishment services

JAV Stream Watch 100s of full Japanese Adult Videos streaming at JAVRedlight.com no signup or credit card required. Just what you want on demand.

There are a few dissertation webpages using the web once you become plainly said as part of your blog. raspberry pi security camera

ΑΓΓΕΛΙΕΣ ΣΕΧ EROTIC ADDRESSES - SEX ADDRESSES - WOMEN SEX - EROTIC KNOWLEDGE

Dehradun Call Girls Call Girls In Dehradun, O8171732999 Dehradun Escorts. Choose Independent High Profile Call Girls in Dehradun 5 3 star Hotels with Photos, Contact us at O8171732999, To Book Models Escorts in Dehradun In Hotels.

ΓΥΝΑΙΚΕΣ ΣΕΞ FIND THE BEST ESCORTS AND CALL GIRLS IN ATHENS GREECE NOW!

Work with me to create a comprehensive estate plan that takes care of your interests in the case of an accident, injury, or other situation where you are no longer able to care for yourself, and that directs the disposition of your assets following your death. If you do not have an estate plan the time for action is now. If your current plan was created before 2013, you may be in danger of having an outdated plan. estate and trust lawyers

i never know the use of adobe shadow until i saw this post. thank you for this! this is very helpful. cock cage

i never know the use of adobe shadow until i saw this post. thank you for this! this is very helpful. cock cage

Awesome article, it was exceptionally helpful! I simply began in this and I'm becoming more acquainted with it better! Cheers, keep doing awesome! Being In A New Relationship