Getting To Yes, Eventually, With The Miami Heat

The Miami Heat are champions. We might as well deal with it.
Share |
Sorry, LeBron says he dies.

Image via TheStartingFive.net.

A friend of mine, now a lawyer in his hometown of New Orleans, worked himself sick in New York City as a radio engineer. He was on the boards for the opioid-grandiose Rush Limbaugh, for a weirdly kind Glenn Beck in his relatively obscure pre-Gabbo phase. On location, he was locked, without apology, out of Reggie Jackson's house, by Reggie Jackson. But the story of his that I remember best involves him engineering for Skip Bayless, who was not yet in his leatherette baroque period. Bayless, on the radio, told a story that—as I recall it, at least—involved him approaching a woman at the gym who was wearing an Ohio State t-shirt, during the (presumably heady) days after the team won its Maurice Clarett-powered national championship. Skip, being Skip, and the woman being a stranger in a t-shirt, he said something to her about "the LUCKeyes." She didn't know what he was talking about. The gist of the story, naturally, was not that Bayless had discovered a new and hilariously ineffective approach to sports-negging, but that he simply couldn't believe how anyone could be such an airhead as this woman was. They went to commercial break.

And, as my friend tells it, Bayless kept talking. "Can you believe," he said, off the air now, in the voice that as it turns out is actually his real voice, all the time, "can you believe she hadn't even heard 'Luckeyes?'" He was exasperated, or maybe scandalized, but either way genuinely aghast. He was still talking about it when they came back from the break.

That is who Skip Bayless really is, and how he really is. And because Bayless and his fellow defective, perpetually pop-eyed monsters of misprioritization are the loudest presence in the mainstream sports discourse—and because LeBron James is good copy for these turds, if maybe marginally less good copy now that he has won the first of his predestined NBA titles—the relentless, tabloidal shout/counter-shout conversation about LeBron James may not be quite as dead as Kevin Arnovitz and Our Own Shoals hope for it to be.

We should, of course, all wish for peace with honor in this long and dumb and violent rhetorical stalemate; the sooner the idiot trench warfare surrounding questions of LeBron's Grit or Lack Thereof, Champion's Heart or Absence Thereof, Place or Non-Place in the Celestial Firmament of Champions ends, the better—and quieter—things will be. Skip Bayless will never be finished, he will always, always simply not believe some idiot thing or other, and that's Skip's cross to bear. But the rest of us can move on from all that to whatever comes next.

But as champions, the Heat are a problem, at least for me. They still, fundamentally, represent the same problem for me—the liquor with no life in it, the victory feast that just opens new trapdoors of bleak hunger—that they did before they were champions, when they were merely a great team oscillating between punctilious and prissy aristo-fussiness as losers and grandiose bully-boy superiority as winners. I will probably not ever really like the Heat, for reasons having to do with them, but mostly having to do with me.

To see LeBron and the rest melted down to size by their joy after their win, though, was to be reminded of something valuable, if also hard to know, about their essential human-scale dimensions. Yes, the Heat are more machinery than poetry; they embody the things they embody—but they were never probably quite as big as their place at the center of that loud, awful, Bayless-ed conversation suggested. They're a team with a bunch of great basketball players on it, and those players are capable of acting like awful petulant millionaire teenagers and playing like superhumans at the same time. But they're just a team, or just a great team.

Which looks wrong, "merely great." But we've seen teams like this before. We have not seen the centerpiece stars of those teams perform onstage with LMFAO while wearing t-shirts emblazoned with their own vampiric image, but perhaps the only reason for that is that we weren't yet quite ridiculous enough as a culture to even have a LMFAO to deal with the last time we saw an ascendant dynasty like this. LMFAO is as Fu-Schnickenishly goofy and anodyne as any previous paradigmatic NBA star's musical collaborators, but also come the fuck on, clowns.

So, sure, take a bow. The Heat's job is complete, for the season—built to win, to affirm their own assertions, they have won, and affirmed. A celebratory guest shot on backing vocals on that one LMFAO song about "the weiner dance"—there may be more than one, I don't know—are richly deserved in that context, I suppose. Like, if that's a good thing to him, I suppose LeBron is welcome to it. Anyway, they will get back at it next year, and it seems likely that they'll have a chance at doing all this again. As it should be, or as they wanted it to be. Relief is brief, and mostly for later. They'll sleep when they're dead, and the idea is to win and win again until then. It will never be enough for Skip Bayless, just as surely as no woman will ever be like "ha ha, yes LUCKEYES, very piquant point," to him at the gym. But it is, finally, Skip's game that they are playing, and for the moment winning.

And while the Heat were a lot more fun to watch when Mike Miller was shooting like Reggie Miller, they're also not really my type of team: static ref-beseeching, with intermittent bursts of dominance and feats of strengths, I mean. The dominance, though, is the thing. I fear—because it was never enough for me with Michael Jordan, whose transcendent brilliance may yet be out-transcended by LeBron—that this is just not my sort of thing. The Heat demand awe, and seek to earn it. I aspire, as a fan, to be able to give it to them—to be able to watch them on their own terms and, if not quite enjoy the spectacle of one player simply being stronger and faster and more majestic than another, to at least appreciate the strength and speed and majesty. I don't expect to love it, and I don't expect ever to find myself capable of resisting the impulse to identify with the Heat's opponents, mustering and marshaling what smaller things they can to tip over this colossus.

To hate the Heat for being what they are and will be is silly, and futile besides; it seems fair to wish for more joyful or generous champions, but the Heat may yet be that with this particular burden now cut loose. But to love the Heat for being the force they are is, for me, too much; I can't really love something too implacable and powerful for me to identify with, which is my own smallness, I suppose, either properly recognized or improperly turned into grievance. But to watch that struggle, between other teams and that, back and forth over the next not-four, not-five, not-six years—I'm up for that, whatever team wins. The winning is for the players, anyway. The rest of it's for the rest of us. The rest of it is the fun part, and what matters.


Share |

Comments

I thank the author of this article; the article has great significance for me, it just me to do better for this life. Very meaningful, thank you very much, wish you happy. High page Authority Backlinks

Hi buddies, it is great written piece entirely defined, continue the good work constantly.www.lifeinsurancerates.com

Great write-up, I am a big believer in commenting on blogs to inform the blog writers know that they’ve added something worthwhile to the world wide web garcinia cambogia canada

You will find a lot of approaches after visiting your post. I was exactly searching for. Thanks for such post and please keep it up. Great work top 20 nerf guns

Outstanding write-up and also men and women in the world will certainly acquire greatly as a result of examining which. I'm going to go back repeatedly to learn to read this type of posts Key West To Miami Tour

I was very pleased to find this site.I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked buy website traffic

Great write-up, I am a big believer in commenting on blogs to inform the blog writers know that they’ve added something worthwhile to the world wide web
fire alarms

Great write-up, I am a big believer in commenting on blogs to inform the blog writers know that they’ve added something worthwhile to the world wide web black wine glasses

Great write-up, I am a big believer in commenting on blogs to inform the blog writers know that they’ve added something worthwhile to the world wide web view website

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well Buy Facebook Accounts

Great write-up, I am a big believer in commenting on blogs to inform the blog writers know that they’ve added something worthwhile to the world wide web addicted to alcohol

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well.
Buy Old Gmail Accounts

"I may have become more dedicated to the deep study of dogs than I was to my Falcons playbook," Vick writes. Export Business in Nigeria

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well. taxi from jaipur to ajmer

This is very educational content and written well for a change. It's nice to see that some people still understand how to write a quality post! Breast Augmentation

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well
real estate books

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well champagne flute Amazon

I have been meaning to write something products for thinning hair
like this on my website.

You’ve done your best, with so much class. discover more
If wanted to know more about green smoke reviews.

I am new to weblog and definitely liked this blog site. I have been meaning to write something like this on my website. lake amphibian flyers club

There is so much in this article that I would never have thought of on my own. Your content gives readers things to think about in an interesting way . found here

You’ve done your best, with so much class. If wanted to know more about green smoke reviews, than by all means come in and check our stuff club party flyer templates

Its an incredible joy perusing your post.Its loaded with data I am searching for and I want to post a remark that "The substance of your post is marvelous" Great work more bonuses

I hope that it doesn't disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say door nets for insects

I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say car from delhi to jaipur

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well monthly makeup subscription boxes

I hope that it doesn't disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say more bonuses

It looks like you spend a lot of effort and time on your blog. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.forex trading system

Positive site, where did u come up with the information on this posting? I'm pleased I discovered it though, ill be checking back soon to find out what additional posts you include. movers and packers pune

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well infant probiotics

Awesome article! I want people to know just how good this information is in your article. It's interesting, compelling content. Your views are much like my own concerning this subject. scary movies

Nice answers in replace of the question with real point of view and explaining about that.life insance quote

Thankfulness to my dad who informed me relating to this blog, this website is really amazing.virginia payday leders online

I am new to weblog and definitely liked this blog site. I have been meaning to write something like this on my website. print pamphlets online

I hope that it doesn't disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say...www.55printing.com

I actually appeared to be available a task to undertake your for your special crafting enterprise plus Photograph averting them. Maybe at this moment, together with the mindset you actually gifted people,Constant Profits Club

You wont have to pay designers hundreds of dollars and wait days for them to make you a logo. The app is also on the cloud so you can access the software while you're on the go from any electronic device...ipro academy

Great post I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this interesting and knowledgeable article
garcinia cambogia reviews

I like this topic.This site has lots of advantage.I found many interesting things from this site. It helps me in many ways.Thanks for posting this again.Miami To Key West Transportation

Great post I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this interesting and knowledgeable article.budiness cards

Great post i must say and thanks for the information. Education is definitely a sticky subject. However, is still among the leading topics of our time....club flyer printing prices

Education is definitely a sticky subject. However, is still among the leading topics of our time... xarelto class action

Great submit, the an extremely great website which you have the following, maintain the nice perform, will probably be again. Jual PC

Nice information, valuable and excellent design, as share good stuff with This is a great post. I like this topic.This site has lots of advantage.I found many interesting things from this site. It helps me in many ways.Thanks for posting this again. High PR Blog comments

I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say.. taxi from jaipur to ajmer

There is no refinement in preparing from play social event to 8th level/class. We make a charming circumstance in creating by using beautiful words as a piece of it. We have expert circumstance creator creators. Michael E. Kraut

I hope that it doesn't disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you have something interesting to say...what is ddos

Great post i must say and thanks for the information. Education is definitely a sticky subject. However, is still among the leading topics of our time....website traffic

Great info! I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have. http://writemypapercheap.net/

I am also having a hard time getting my readers to leave comments. Analytic shows they are coming to the site but I have a feeling. jaipur to delhi taxi