A Stripper's Guide To The Final Four

What to expect if you're expecting to give lapdances to mustachioed Ohio State fans, among other things.
Share |
Actually more comfortable than they look.

Image via Bubbles Burbujas.

During the 2007 Final Four, I traveled to Atlanta with a couple of friends to dance at the Pink Pony. We were surprised to find the local dancers questioning why the dancer manager was urging them to work all weekend, then do it again next weekend during the Masters. By the Sunday before the final, when the line to get in the club wound around the building, they understood. Major sporting events deliver major impacts for local businesses, and the sex industry is right there alongside hotels, restaurants and t-shirt counterfeiters when it comes to cashing in. This isn't news if you've seen the annual “100,000 Prostitutes Expected in (insert host city) for Super Bowl” articles, or the photos of athletes making it rain in strip clubs, or the resulting arrest reports. It shouldn't be news to dancers, either: for big-ticket college sports events like bowl games and the upcoming NCAA Final Four in New Orleans, alumni will be bringing their cash to town, and to the club.

My friends and I came to Atlanta well prepared. We'd done our research on Georgetown, Ohio State, UCLA, and Florida, and that was the order in which we approached each school's fans. I'd worked in Columbus, and knew Ohio customers to be very generous in the strip club when in town for sporting events. One of the girls I was with grew up near Georgetown and knew that Hoyas supporters had money, and that their local strip clubs were weak. All of us knew UCLA didn't travel well and that Southern Californians were accustomed to very liberal strip club touching laws. Seeing at least one Florida fan per night get peeled off of the floor by security—Gators boosters travel very young and very drunk—ensured that they were the last customers we tried.

For all the dancers (and other service workers who might find this information useful) in New Orleans, this scouting report uses post-graduation salary data from payscale.com (numbers are the median mid-career salaries of a given school’s graduates), some possibly offensive stereotypes, and an analysis of strip clubs in each school’s home state to predict the behavior of the fans of each school in the Final Four. These rankings should help you decide who to approach, who to avoid, and who might be interested in talking about William S. Burroughs.

4. Louisville (4)

Louisville is the money, seed, and enrollment loser in this Final Four, but there's not so much going on in Louisville that they'll be jaded about a trip to NOLA. Their strippers have to wear pasties and can't give lapdances. If you approach an older Cardinal, ask him if he knows Charles Taylor, the 71-year-old who punched a 68-year old Kentucky fan in the face at a dialysis clinic.

Average Salary: $72,400

Typical Alum: Works for UPS or in healthcare. Likely to be a better dresser than his fellow Kentuckians from Lexington. Will tip dancers on stage the best. Also likely to be less white than the other fans.

Opening Line: “Is it racist to say 'hot brown'?”; “So, you actually understood the dialogue in Luck?”

3. Kentucky (1)

Kentucky is a huge, basketball-crazed school that travels well, but they might be a little jaded from so many Final Four appearances to really throw down. Their strip clubs are not nearly as restrictive as those in Louisville, and aren't nearly as large or heavily staffed as the Bourbon Street clubs.

Average Salary: $78,300

Typical Alum: Owns a car dealership or works in hospitality. Will be dressed in business casual and buy lapdances for his friends.

Opening Line: “Are you a Givens or a Crowder?”

Bonus Opening Line for Use on John Calipari: “The NCAA won’t ever be able to take this champagne room away from you.”

2. Ohio State (2)

The entire state of Ohio suffers under some of the most restrictive strip club laws in the country, an unfortunate turn of events for such a densely populated state. OSU alumni are likely to spend more when traveling now that their home clubs are less fun. And they will travel for a lapdance: it’s conventional wisdom among traveling strippers that golfers from Ohio flood the strip clubs of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina every year during golf season. They're also likely to simply outnumber the other travelers because of the sheer size of the school, the third largest in the country.

Average Salary: $78,300

Typical Alum: Middle manager for Procter & Gamble or JP Morgan Chase. Will be wearing at least two items of official OSU gear and a mustache. Will buy lapdances and champagne rooms.

Opening Line: Talk to him about what he's really interested in—Ohio State football.

1. Kansas (2)

The Kansas fan base has three great stripper-friendly characteristics. The school is in the Midwest, so they’re both willing and happy to travel to a party spot; the university is both large and a traditional basketball power; and it’s the alma mater of Jason Sudeikis, who is amazing as a strip club DJ on SNL. The strip clubs in Kansas aren't awful but they're not terribly numerous, either. Add it up, and you've got a fan base with a great combination of earning power and serious appreciation for friendly naked women.

Average Salary: $80,400

Typical alum: Agriculture or manufacturing executive. Will be dressed conservatively and buy champagne rooms if alone.

Opening line: “Rock, Chalk, Booty Drop!”; talk to him about why there is a turnpike in Kansas; ask about his favorite William S. Burroughs book.


Share |

Comments

It is rather very good, nevertheless glance at the data with this handle. saxophone player for indian weddings

we list the top upcoming icos (initial coin offerings) icos

Legacy Food Storage is excited to bring something new from our creative
kitchen, delicious side dishes to complement your meals and add a little
extra flavor and variety. With such a wonderful selection to choose
from, the only problem you will have is deciding which meal is your
favorite. legacyfoodstorage.com

週刊報道サイトFTC株式会社

【特集】FTC株式会社 買取専門リサイクルマートのフランチャイズで独立・開業・起業|フランチャイズ比較ネットFTC株式会社

FTC株式会社 リサイクルマートって? | リサイクルマートの気分は最高!FTC株式会社

CMW is a crypto currency data analytics website that captures every aspect of Crypto Currency market and provides data analytics features (Price, Trend and Market Analytics) which are currently not available for this market. We provide market data on 600+ Crypto Currencies from 70+ global exchanges. litecoin price

Browse our wide selection of cell phones on sale and be sure to check out our promotions page so that you don't miss out on our mobile bundle deals. ( jewelry

Happy Little Turtle’s aim is all about providing affordable, quality clothing and eco-friendly toys but with a purpose. organic children's clothing

aa

Profit primarily prime quality items -- you can understand them all within: lawn care

Phoenix Gate Document Clearing services - your partner for global attestation . UAE EMBASSY attestation from 60 Countries across the world . Specialised for India /UK/USA/CANADA/AUSTRALIA/NEWZELAND/FRANCE/PHILLIPPINE/ ITALY/RUSSIA etc .
Always At Your Service Ms. Phoenix Gate Attestation Services - part Phoenix Global Pvt Ltd document attestation UAE

Initial You got a awesome blog .I determination be involved in plus uniform minutes. i view you got truly very functional matters , i determination be always checking your blog blesss. clairvoyant ability improving tips

I use basically superior fabrics : you will discover these products by: buy real Facebook fans

Bitconnect is an open source bitcoin community designed to provide multiple investment opportunities that make it entirely possible to find income stability in a very unstable world. With Bitconnect you can invest, mine, stake, and trade. bitconnect

The Website is mainly about selling VPN , a vpn will change your ip address to a different one so you can use geolocked content like Netflix or Kodi Addons also some countries geo lock content so a vpn will allow you to use facebook and google in china vpn

Natural Mattress Matters specializes in organic mattresses and organic furniture. Our European Mattress selection are one of the best in the bedding industry. Euro Beds

You have a good point here!I totally agree with what you have said!!Thanks for sharing your views...hope more people will read this article!!! Old town tours

Kippee is a free user-to-user local classifieds site in india. You can use the site to post and search ads, to find cars to mobiles, furniture,jobs, laptops, clothing and more. Submit ads for free and without creating an account. post free ads

Since you get some answers concerning Day Trade The World's Trading Software, try to check these associations: iota bulk

Een condensdroger lijkt op een conventionele droogtrommel, maar verschilt in het feit dat er geen externe ventilatie nodig is. Voor de gebruiker/eigenaar is de bediening voor beide type drogers vrijwel hetzelfde. Het verschil zit vooral in het interne ontwerp. Bij een luchtafvoerdroger wordt lucht van het omliggende gebied (bijv. de waskamer) ingezogen. Daarna wordt het verhit en door de kleren heen geblazen terwijl ze ronddraaien in de trommel. De hete lucht verdampt gedeeltelijk het water dat zich bevindt in de vochtige kleding. De ontstane vochtige lucht wordt vervolgens uit de machine geblazen via een ventilatiekanaal. condensdroger kopen

Hide my Wordpress PRO is an easy to use product designed to provide you with the best protection against hackers. When you start using this plugin, you will be able to hide the fact that you are using Wordpress on your site. how to hide my wordpress

I felt very happy while reading this site. This was really very informative site for me. I really liked it. This was really a cordial post. Thanks a lot!. best shower caddy

it's really nice and meanful. it's really cool blog. Linking is very useful thing.you have really helped lots of people who visit blog and provide them usefull information. bokep jepang

I feel really happy to have seen your webpage and look forward to so many more entertaining times reading here. Thanks once more for all the details. alveari industriali

Cosmonovelas te brinda todas las novelas al instante, Grabamos en vivo para ti y somos los primeros en subir los capitulos , te ofrecemos EXITOS COMO: SENORA ACERO 4 CAPITULOS COMPLETOS, EL CESAR-CAPITULOS COMPLETOS, SANGRE DE MI TIERRA CAPITULOS, SIN SENOS SI HAY PARAISO 2 CAPITULOS Y MUCHAS MAS NOVELAS Y SERIES. Ver Novelas Y SERIES en cosmonovelas.net SANGRE DE MI TIERRA CAPITULOS

These things are very important, good think so - I think so too... Compliance

Since you get some answers concerning Day Trade The World's Trading Software, try to check these associations: protesis allergan

Super-Duper site! I am Loving it!! Will come back again, Im taking your feed also, Thanks. online cake delivery in Dhanbad

wow this is really amazing, let me share this to my friends so they can check this out too... florist in Bhopal

I should say only that its awesome! The blog is informational and always produce amazing things. hammaste valgendamine

we reviews the top ten cooling mattresses that is available for sale on Amazon. best cooling mattress

I understand this column. I realize You put a many of struggle to found this story. I admire your process. best oscillating fan for grow room

I should assert barely that its astounding! The blog is informational also always fabricate amazing entitys. led globe string lights outdoor

Hmm… I interpret blogs on a analogous issue, however i never visited your blog. I added it to populars also i’ll be your faithful primer. best flat bench for home gym

wow this saintly however ,I love your enter plus nice pics might be part personss negative love being defrent mind total poeple , realistic baby dolls

It's superior, however , check out material at the street address. tai chi shoes

It is fine, nonetheless evaluate the information and facts around this correct. Malaysian food Zurich & Regensdorf

Brisbane Naturopath - Naturopath Brisbane Southside CBD Wellness Clinic Integrated Wellness Clinic has a solid reputation as one of the leading Naturopathic clinic in Queensland. We are delighted to offer our Naturopathic services in our Naturopath Brisbane Clinic. naturopath Brisbane

When the Rashiwala brothers arrived in Singapore in 1925, they started a small business, C. Rashiwala Bros, trading raw gemstones with local merchants and selling jewelry to wealthy local settlers. They began what is now one of the region's most prestigious supplier of semi-precious stones and jewelry, additionally C. Rashiwala Bros is South East Asia's oldest and most trusted distributors of Swarovski products.
The business continued until 1942 when WW2 broke out. My great grand-uncle returned to India with my father and the rest of the family. My grandfather stayed behind in Singapore to guard and look after the shop beads shop Singapore

Established in 2014, The Jock Shop is one the world’s leading mens’ underwear and swimwear retailers, with operations and online stores in the UK, Singapore and China. Here at the Jock Shop we are committed to offering our customers curated picks from the best of the leading menswear brands. We stock a wide selection of briefs, boxers, jockstraps, harnesses and swimwear from Addicted, Aussiebum, Marco Marco, Andrew Christian and Pump! The Jock Shop puts a focus on ensuring that every customer receives great service and the best products at the most competitive prices.  es collection

These things are very important, good think so - I think so too... strategy

Three are usually cheap Ralph Lauren available for sale each and every time you wish to buy. Christmas yoga retreats 2017

I am impressed by the information that you have on this blog. It shows how well you understand this subject. bokep hanna anisa

Bienes Raices Cancun, casas, terrenos, bodegas, consultorios en renta y venta en Puerto Morelos, Riviera Maya, Playa del Carmen, Puerto Cancun casas en cancun

a cheap and reliable Report Bot & Commend Bot for CS:GO | NO Whitelist | husobot is a reportbot that allows you to mass-report cheaters in CS:GO. You can also use our commendbot to boost cs go commends. reportbot

I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post. buy facebook likes

I feel very grateful that I read this. It is very helpful and very informative and I really learned a lot from it. Katowice notariusz

I’m inspired with the surpassing and preachy listing that you furnish in such little timing. mold solutions

Dr. David Soskin developed Open Source Psychiatry as as a resource for patients, clinicians, and researchers. He also publishes medical articles on Open Source Psychiatry with the goal of making medical education free and accessible to the public. patient education