A Stripper's Guide To The Final Four

What to expect if you're expecting to give lapdances to mustachioed Ohio State fans, among other things.
Share |
Actually more comfortable than they look.

Image via Bubbles Burbujas.

During the 2007 Final Four, I traveled to Atlanta with a couple of friends to dance at the Pink Pony. We were surprised to find the local dancers questioning why the dancer manager was urging them to work all weekend, then do it again next weekend during the Masters. By the Sunday before the final, when the line to get in the club wound around the building, they understood. Major sporting events deliver major impacts for local businesses, and the sex industry is right there alongside hotels, restaurants and t-shirt counterfeiters when it comes to cashing in. This isn't news if you've seen the annual “100,000 Prostitutes Expected in (insert host city) for Super Bowl” articles, or the photos of athletes making it rain in strip clubs, or the resulting arrest reports. It shouldn't be news to dancers, either: for big-ticket college sports events like bowl games and the upcoming NCAA Final Four in New Orleans, alumni will be bringing their cash to town, and to the club.

My friends and I came to Atlanta well prepared. We'd done our research on Georgetown, Ohio State, UCLA, and Florida, and that was the order in which we approached each school's fans. I'd worked in Columbus, and knew Ohio customers to be very generous in the strip club when in town for sporting events. One of the girls I was with grew up near Georgetown and knew that Hoyas supporters had money, and that their local strip clubs were weak. All of us knew UCLA didn't travel well and that Southern Californians were accustomed to very liberal strip club touching laws. Seeing at least one Florida fan per night get peeled off of the floor by security—Gators boosters travel very young and very drunk—ensured that they were the last customers we tried.

For all the dancers (and other service workers who might find this information useful) in New Orleans, this scouting report uses post-graduation salary data from payscale.com (numbers are the median mid-career salaries of a given school’s graduates), some possibly offensive stereotypes, and an analysis of strip clubs in each school’s home state to predict the behavior of the fans of each school in the Final Four. These rankings should help you decide who to approach, who to avoid, and who might be interested in talking about William S. Burroughs.

4. Louisville (4)

Louisville is the money, seed, and enrollment loser in this Final Four, but there's not so much going on in Louisville that they'll be jaded about a trip to NOLA. Their strippers have to wear pasties and can't give lapdances. If you approach an older Cardinal, ask him if he knows Charles Taylor, the 71-year-old who punched a 68-year old Kentucky fan in the face at a dialysis clinic.

Average Salary: $72,400

Typical Alum: Works for UPS or in healthcare. Likely to be a better dresser than his fellow Kentuckians from Lexington. Will tip dancers on stage the best. Also likely to be less white than the other fans.

Opening Line: “Is it racist to say 'hot brown'?”; “So, you actually understood the dialogue in Luck?”

3. Kentucky (1)

Kentucky is a huge, basketball-crazed school that travels well, but they might be a little jaded from so many Final Four appearances to really throw down. Their strip clubs are not nearly as restrictive as those in Louisville, and aren't nearly as large or heavily staffed as the Bourbon Street clubs.

Average Salary: $78,300

Typical Alum: Owns a car dealership or works in hospitality. Will be dressed in business casual and buy lapdances for his friends.

Opening Line: “Are you a Givens or a Crowder?”

Bonus Opening Line for Use on John Calipari: “The NCAA won’t ever be able to take this champagne room away from you.”

2. Ohio State (2)

The entire state of Ohio suffers under some of the most restrictive strip club laws in the country, an unfortunate turn of events for such a densely populated state. OSU alumni are likely to spend more when traveling now that their home clubs are less fun. And they will travel for a lapdance: it’s conventional wisdom among traveling strippers that golfers from Ohio flood the strip clubs of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina every year during golf season. They're also likely to simply outnumber the other travelers because of the sheer size of the school, the third largest in the country.

Average Salary: $78,300

Typical Alum: Middle manager for Procter & Gamble or JP Morgan Chase. Will be wearing at least two items of official OSU gear and a mustache. Will buy lapdances and champagne rooms.

Opening Line: Talk to him about what he's really interested in—Ohio State football.

1. Kansas (2)

The Kansas fan base has three great stripper-friendly characteristics. The school is in the Midwest, so they’re both willing and happy to travel to a party spot; the university is both large and a traditional basketball power; and it’s the alma mater of Jason Sudeikis, who is amazing as a strip club DJ on SNL. The strip clubs in Kansas aren't awful but they're not terribly numerous, either. Add it up, and you've got a fan base with a great combination of earning power and serious appreciation for friendly naked women.

Average Salary: $80,400

Typical alum: Agriculture or manufacturing executive. Will be dressed conservatively and buy champagne rooms if alone.

Opening line: “Rock, Chalk, Booty Drop!”; talk to him about why there is a turnpike in Kansas; ask about his favorite William S. Burroughs book.


Share |

Comments

Stunning! Such an astonishing and accommodating post this is. I ridiculously adore it. It's so great thus wonderful. I am quite recently astonished. I trust that you keep on doing your work like this later on too. returns transactions catgories

You re in purpose of truth a without flaw website admin. The site stacking speed is stunning. It sort of feels that you're doing any unmistakable trap. In addition, The substance are perfect work of art. you have done a phenomenal action regarding this matter! Rexbury Court

Great Post, I'm a large believer within posting comments upon sites in to allow blog site writers recognize that additional some thing valuable in to the internet! putlockers

Thanks for every other informative website. Where else could I am getting that kind of information written in such an ideal means? I’ve a challenge that I’m simply now running on, and I’ve been on the look out for such information crazy bulk review

send large files anywhere around the globe. Share big files up to 50GB and store them in your Cloud for Free. Transfer files between devices now! send big files

Great post full of useful tips ! My site is fairly new and I am also having a hard time getting my readers to leave comments. Analytics shows they are coming to the site but I have a feeling “nobody wants to be first. acompanhantes caxias

Fantastic work done here by the writer metalaqua

I read this article. I think You put a lot of effort to create this article. I appreciate your work. lucknow escorts services

Claim FREE gift card codes,you can generate free codes daily with our site @ http://bit.ly/2xVKoEn You can generate FREE codes such as ($10 $25 $50 $100 AMAZON GIFTCODES, PSN GIFTCODES, STEAM GIFTCODES, PAYPAL CASH CODE, ITUNES GIFTCODES, GOOGLE PLAY GIFTCODES, XBOXLIVE GIFTCODES, STARBUCKS GIFTCODES, EBAY GIFTCODES). This codes are %100 safe to use and they will in no way get your accounts banned or suspended, to get your free codes now visit http://bit.ly/2xVKoEn steam wallet codes

Benvenuti nel migliore sito in Italia su come eliminare le formiche da casa. Qui scoprirai tanti trucchi e prodotti per eliminare definitivamente le fastidiose formiche. formica

Browse through the big collection of movies and tv shows on Gomovies,123movies you can watch for free in HD. gostream

Watch Movies and TV Shows for free from the neverending database of FMovies. f movies

Belize24 is offeringjourneys through Belize and overnight stays for individual travelers from Germany. Belize Reisen

We are a car rental local company stablished and serving in Casablanca Morroco, offering high standards of quality in service and affordable rates everytime you rent a car with us. Car rental is our savoir-faire (know how), quality and excelence, serious and respect. Exceptional prices, new cars, we deliver cars any where in Morroco, Casablanca, Marrakech, Agadir, hotels, aeroport Casablanca Morocco car rental

หางานทำ หารายได้เสริม รายได้พิเศษ งานเสริมรายได้ หางานพิเศษ งานพิเศษรายได้ดี งานทำที่บ้าน งานพาร์ทไทม์ งาน Part time งานฝีมือ อาชีพเสริม รายได้ดี รายได้เสริมเงินดี

This is very useful, although it will be important to help simply click that web page link: muviza

I might suggest solely beneficial in addition to trusted facts, and so find it: am I overweight

le Clenbuterol est un produit vétérinaire utilisé par les femmes pour maigrir et par les pratiquants de musculation pour être et rester sec. clenbuterol musculation

It is quite beneficial, although think about the facts when it reaches this target. buy views on instagram

Within this webpage, you'll see the page, you need to understand this data. car shippers

Excellent .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your blog and take the feeds also…I’m happy to find so many useful info here in the post, we need work out more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing. hp x360

看護師の転職、求人、募集は「看護師転職・求人の成功の秘訣を徹底比較」。業界No.1、合計80の看護師転職サイトを徹底比較しました。また、現役看護師による体験談や成功の秘訣などのワンポイントアドバイスがご覧になれます。看護師募集

レンタルオフィス・貸しオフィス・貸事務所は、銀座ビジネスセンター&エグゼクティブオフィス銀座へ。会社設立やSOHOオフィス、ペンチャーの起業に最適。東京レンタルオフィス

Douglas Software - Essential tools for the serious photographer grey card

cheap Car Insurance. Get Car Insurance At The Lowest Rates. Car Insurance Quotes. 855-404-8596 car insurance

Great Post, I'm a large believer within posting comments upon sites in to allow blog site writers recognize that additional some thing valuable in to the internet! takiacademy chimie

Discover the best security guard services company for private, corporate and business events in San Francisco CA. Learn more at AccessControlSecurity.com top security guard company in San Francisco CA

Learn about the best security guard services company for private, corporate and business events in Phoenix AZ. Visit AccessControlSecurity.com top security guard company in Phoenix AZ

Discover the best security guard services company for private, corporate and business events in Los Angeles CA. Learn more at AccessControlSecurity.com top security guard company in Los Angeles CA

Medical abortion pills will help avoid negative consequences. A woman may experience in her life a situation where a pregnancy was not planned or is no longer wanted. And if you have managed to detect the pregnancy at its early stages then you have a good change to quickly and safely terminate it without resorting to vacuum aspiration and surgical intervention abortion

truly Unlimited Web Hosting is a unique service offering only 3.75 USD/month! in Premium UK Data Centre located! WeekHost.com Feature-rich Unlimited SSD web hosting features include among other things: Free DDoS, Free SSL, Litespeed, CloudLinux, R1Soft, cPanel & WHM! The Best Unlimited Web Hosting. truly unlimited web hosting

Family owned and operated , we provide fast personalized services on commercial refrigeration, ice machines, ventilation and HVAC. We don't want to be the biggest refrigeration company, we want to be THE BEST. HVAC

GoMovies Watch Online Full Movies HD and TV Series Free and Download without Registration at 123Movies.is . GoMovies.ltd the original site of 123 Movies . 123movies

Profitez dès maintenant de notre sélection de logements de qualité situés en plein centre de Paris et réservez l'hôtel, l'appartement, la villa, chambre d'hôtes, ... de votre choix pour un séjour de longue durée ou même pour une nuit.  appart hotel Paris

Profitez dès maintenant de notre sélection de logements de qualité situés en plein centre de Paris et réservez l'hôtel, l'appartement, la villa, chambre d'hôtes, ... de votre choix pour un séjour de longue durée ou même pour une nuit.  appart hotel Paris

I am ceaselessly chasing on the web down articles that can help me. There is obviously an extraordinary arrangement to consider this. I think you made some awesome concentrations in Features as well. coffee roasters toronto

Gold Star Coffee, World's Best Tasting Coffee, Best Coffee In The World. Fire roasted, hand crafted, artisan prepared, ultra premium gourmet coffee since 1993. worlds best coffee

Gold Star CoffeeFire Roasted & Hand Crafted with a 100 year old traditional roasting technique that simply makes the World's Best Coffee. world\'s best coffee

Initial You got a awesome blog .I determination be involved in plus uniform minutes. i view you got truly very functional matters , i determination be always checking your blog blesss ios 11 final release date

You possess lifted an essential offspring..Blesss for using..I would want to study better latest transactions from this blog..preserve posting.. Los Angeles seo consultant

Watch full length movies online trailers for free in high quality without downloading or registration. Discover the newest movies in fast stream. free movies

Garena also has the Arena of Valor recent updates for giving punishment for the players who are Away from Keyboard (AFK), as like ban. There will be the effective action for minimizing the players who are AFK. arena of valor

Plant Head Protein is a delicious and 100% naturally nutritious supplement for your healthy lifestyle. buy protein

Ayurveda -'The science of life', considered to be one of the Upavedas, has been serving mankind since time immemorial and still survives just because of its sheer therapeutic value. In the event of scientific findings which have proved that Ayurveda medicines cure the disease by strengthening the body immune system, now considered to be the most scientific approach towards health, the relevance of Ayurveda remedies become more significant. It has also become very popular in the west due to major changes taking place in the consumer attitude towards health and natural products. best ayurvedic medicine for heart health

Sockshare is a place to watch movies online free in HD resolution. sockshare movies

I am cheerful to locate your apparent structure for embellishment the post. After a short time you make it basic for me to comprehend and execute the idea. Grateful to you for the post.accompagnatore per donne milano

Most of the time I don’t make comments on websites, but I'd like to say that this article really forced me to do so. Really nice post dieta de 21 dias

www.luxia.shop is an e-shop supplying luxury lighting solutions design

I certainly getting a charge out of each and every piece of it. It is an awesome site and decent offer. I need to bless your heart. Great job! You folks do an awesome blog, and have some incredible substance. Keep doing awesome generate iota seed

A-Accounting bookkeeping company was founded in 2008 to service small and medium-size businesses in Ottawa.We are very passionate about our business, attentive to detail and customer needs. bookkeeping company in Ottawa